[Jake whistles]

Jake: 'Tis the season. Hey.
Gillian: Jake. How you are?
Jake: I are fine. How you are? Can you ID. The jolly old fat guy?
Gillian: S-- Santa? Ho, ho, ho.
Jake: Yeah. When I woke up today, I kind of felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. I think you had something to do with that. Hey, what's wrong? Hey, hey. Something upset you?
Jake: Hmm. Does this have something to do with what I said last night?

Greenlee: Morning, Mr. Lavery.
Ryan: Good morning, Ms. Smythe. Nice dress.
Greenlee: Nice tie I'm very creative with ties that bind.
Ryan: Oh, really?
Greenlee: Mm-hmm.
Ryan: Hey.
Scott: Hey. Big day.
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I hear Tad's got you again as new cameraman on his new show.
Greenlee: Another big break, Scott. Taping hard-luck stories at the mall. And all this for film school.
Scott: Yeah, well, it's experience. So you guys going to be there for "Nothing but the Truth's" big live debut?
Greenlee: No, thanks.
Scott: What, you'd pass on seeing my Uncle Adam give away millions to needy families?
Greenlee: Why can't they make their money the way my grandfather did?
Ryan: You mean inherit it?

Rae: Ok.
Tad: Hey, hey. Dr. Rae, what do you say?
Rae: Hi.
Tad: The countdown is under way.
Rae: Oh, now, come on. You don't want to blast off before airtime. Tad: I don't know if I can help it. I didn't sleep all last night. This show is going to be huge.
Rae: Adam's playing --
Tad: No, no, no.
Rae: No, no. It's Stuart playing --
Tad: Hey, hey, come on. What are you doing? Don't say it. Don't even think it.
Rae: So you really are into all of this.
Tad: Are you kidding? Why shouldn't I be? Hey, listen, the lineup's all set, isn't it?
Rae: Oh, yeah. As soon as we put the word out that the great Adam Chandler was giving away money, I mean, everybody in this town just went on-line and put their hands out.
Tad: Yeah, well, just remember, you know -- just as long as we separate the truly needy from the truly greedy.
Rae: "Remember."
Tad: Speaking of which --
Rae: What?
Tad: Leo. Heel.
Rae: Oh, Tad.
Leo: Morning, boss. Dr. Rae.
Rae: Leo.
Tad: Don't "Morning, boss" me. You are off to a bad start, pal. I sent you out to scrounge up some hard-luck cases last night, and you let me down.
Leo: Well, I did hook up with one poor unfortunate.
Tad: Oh, really? Somebody max out daddy's credit card?
Leo: Hardly. I met a young kid down on front street. We shot hoops and I found out the community center had burned down.
Rae: Oh.
Leo: And there's no money in the city coffers to rebuild.
Rae: Nice.
Tad: Well, I stand corrected.
Rae: Ok.
Tad: Who knew kid Friday had a heart?
Leo: Did I mention that this kid also has an older sister who is a real babe?
Rae: Oh, my God.
Tad: That's disgusting. You're using a tragedy to score with some woman?
Leo: Well, I get what I want, and the kid gets his community center. It's a win-win, right?
Tad: Absolutely. Good job. You remind me of me.
Leo: How should I take that?
Tad: How should I know? Listen, just take this down to the corner deli and score the whole crew some coffee, ok? Go.
Leo: Will do, boss.
Tad: Don't call me boss.

Rae: Reminds you of you, Tad the Cad?
Tad: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
Rae: Your reputation precedes you, kid.
Brooke: Oh, Tad, Rae. Thank God I caught you before you left on the remote. My research finally paid off. You can rendezvous with Daniel today.

Liza: Stuart is going to meet me at the mall. He's afraid that too many people will recognize him right away.
Marian: Well, darling, are you sure this show is a good idea? I mean, I'd hate to see Tad give away the entire Chandler fortune. I mean, I'm only thinking about Colby and Stuart getting their fair share, of course.
Liza: Stuart's money is in trust, mother, so your future's going to be taken care of. And Colby's going to be a wealthy little girl after the divorce is final.
Marian: This is really going to hit Adam right where it hurts.
Liza: Well, he's so used to buying himself out of any situation, but this time he's going for broke. When we get done with him, he's not even going to be able to afford a latte.
Marian: Liza, I'm so proud of you fighting Adam the way you are. You really must hate him a lot, darling.
Liza: I hate what he did to me and to Colby, and I won't forgive him, ever.
Marian: Does Adam know that?
Liza: Well, he will when he turns on the TV and he sees all of us giving away his precious fortune.
Marian: Right. Why don't I run home and make sure he tunes in, huh?
Liza: Be my guest.
Marian: I'll see you later.

Adam: All right. This is independence day. I'm getting out of here if it's the last thing I ever do.

Brooke: Well, I mined my resources at "Tempo" and I finally got a hit.
Rae: Be still my heart.
Brooke: Harvey Memel works at the magazine's New York office. He knew Daniel when they were in college. They were roommates.
Rae: Oh, my God.
Brooke: So you can imagine Harvey's surprise when he sees Daniel yesterday walking down Seventh Avenue.
Tad: Wait a minute. College was years ago. How did Harvey know that it was Daniel?
Brooke: Because Harvey stopped, chatted, and they made a lunch date. And they are going to meet for lunch at the Royal Palms Grill.
Rae: You know, if I take the next train, I could probably be there before they finish their second martini. I -- you are such a Godsend.
Brooke: Oh --
Rae: I don't know what to say, but thank you, Brooke. Thank you.
Brooke: Well, listen, happy husband hunting.
Rae: Yes.
Tad: No, Rae, you can't. Honey, you can't run out on me now.
We got a show to do. Rae: Yes, and you're going to do it brilliantly. I know that.
Tad: No, no, no. You can't. Look, we sold this puppy as a package deal, right?
Rae: I know. But I have been looking for Daniel for so long. And right now he is so close that I can almost smell his after-shave, Tad. Let me go. Let me find him. There's so much more at stake here that you don't even know.
Tad: Well, then why don't you just clue me in for a change.
Rae: I will, I promise, as soon as it's over. Just be my friend. Let me go. Please.
Tad: Well, I'm still stuck for a co-host for today's show.
Rae: You'll be fine.
Dixie: Honey? Hi. I just came by to wish you good luck. No, that's bad luck, isn't it? I mean, break a leg or whatever.
Tad: Boy, am I glad to see you.
Rae: Boy, is your timing great. What do you think?
Tad: I think when you're right, you're right.
Rae: Oh, Dixie! God bless you! Thank you, thank you.
Dixie: You're welcome.
Rae: Wish me luck, all right?
Dixie: I thought I just did wish you luck.
Rae: Brooke, please, I need to know details.
Brooke: All right.
Rae: Like, what time is the meeting? Do you know that?

Dixie: What's going on? Where's she going? Why is she wishing me luck?
Tad: Honey, let me put it this way -- you may have walked in this studio as a nobody, but you are going to walk out a star.
Dixie: A nobody? That's a terrible thing to call your wife.
Tad: No, no, no. You misunderstand, baby. My point is you're being promoted, upgraded to a household name.
Dixie: Ok. Is this like that time we went on that cruise and you signed me up for the karaoke contest?
Tad: No, this is a little bigger, sort of like coast-to-coast.
Dixie: Ooh. Why don't I like the sound of this?
Tad: It's -- it's -- it's not that big a deal. Um --
Leo: Hey, Dixie. Want a cappuccino?
Dixie: Ooh, yeah. Thank you.
Tad: Cappuccino? Come here. Put that down.
Dixie: Yum.
Tad: What the hell is wrong with you? I send you out for coffee -- you know, regular, everyday java. You come back with $4 designer caffeine.
Leo: Yeah, but the deli coffee's overheated battery acid. I won't drink it. Why should the crew?
Tad: I'll tell you why -- because we're on a budget. You know? Adam's $5 million isn't going to last forever. Maybe we should, like, pretend that we're trying to hold costs down.
Leo: I realize that. So I did some creative financing. Come here for a second. I charged everything on my Cortlandt e expense account.
Tad: Ahem. What happens when Palmer has a fit?
Leo: What he doesn't know will keep us in lattes all season.
Tad: Excellent. Good thinking. Don't tell Dixie.
Leo: Whatever you say. You're the boss.
Tad: Don't call me boss.
Leo: All right.
Tad: Aren't you forgetting something?
Leo: Oh, yeah. Easy come, easy go.

Tad: All right, honey, come on. We got to get you ready. We got a show to do. We're going to take you to makeup and hair, and it's a good thing that you fix up so nice.
Dixie: Yeah, that's nice. That's funny. What, you want me to go on for Rae Cummings?
Tad: That's exactly what I want you to do. I need you to be my co-host for the great Adam Chandler cash giveaway.
Dixie: Honey, I couldn't co-host a Tupperware party in my own house. I -- I'm not --
Tad: Sure you can. I know you can. Honey, look, look, look -- aside from the fact that you are absolutely gorgeous, you have a phenomenal way of connecting with people. Trust me, you're going to be a natural.
Dixie: Tad, honey, you want me to go on national television and make a fool out of myself. Well, I'm not going to do it. So you're just going to have to wait for Rae to come back.
Tad: No, no, no. You don't understand. We can't wait for Rae to come back because Adam could walk through that door any minute and put a kibosh on the entire thing. Look, look, don't think of it as sticking it to Adam. Think of it as doing something really, really wonderful for the poor people of Pine Valley.
Dixie: I don't think I can't do this, Tad.
Tad: I know you can. You've got to! Look, you know better than anybody else that Adam deserves this. And frankly, the idea of -- of doing something great for Pine Valley and charging it to his credit card is good enough to eat with a silver spoon off of his best china. Baby, please, carpe diem. Seize the day.

Liza excuse me. Sorry.
Stuart: Hi. Hi.
Liza: Sorry I'm late, Adam. Uh -- are you ok? The costume shop was really crazy. Are you -- you nervous?
Stuart: I was until I saw this lady over here. The people are coming by and putting coins in her bucket even though they don't have much themselves, just so everybody can have a nice Christmas.
Liza: Well, it's the spirit of giving.
Stuart: Yeah. That's the spirit that Adam just doesn't get. I don't know. Why does he want to keep all that money in a bank? I'd rather help people with it.
Liza: You have a very generous spirit, Stuart.
Stuart: I just wish I could be both me and Adam. And then I could ask me for a million dollars for Cindy's hospice and I'd be glad to give it to me.
Liza: Oh. Well, maybe there's a way we can get you your money in Cindy's name.
Stuart: You think so?
Liza: Mm-hmm.
Stuart: Oh, do you hear that, Cindy? Oh. Good grief.
Liza: What's wrong?
Stuart: There's Junior with Becca.
Liza: Oh.
Stuart: If -- he'll be -- he'll be sure to recognize me. If he gets too close, our whole plan will be kerplooey.
Liza: Well, let's just get out of here because you to try this on, anyway.
Stuart: Try what on?
Liza: It's a surprise.

Junior: They're setting up for Tad's show.
Becca: Cool.
Junior: Dad's going to be here. He's going to be giving away a lot of money.
Becca: And we've got ringside seats.
Junior: That's right.
Janet: Excuse me.
Becca: Hey, look. There's Janet and Amanda. Hi!
Janet: Hey! Becca, Junior. Well, merry, merry.
Becca: How you doing?
Janet: Good.
Becca: Are you guys Christmas shopping?
Janet and Amanda: Mm-hmm.
Amanda: Did you see the new robot Santa in Henshaw's window?
Junior: Uh-uh. Is it ok if we see it?
Becca: Sure.
Janet: Just make sure you stay where we can see you.
Amanda: Ok.
Becca: They are so excited. I love Christmas.
Janet: Well, what about you? Are you going home for Christmas?
Becca: No, I'm not. But someone convinced me to stay and give Christmas in Pine Valley a try.
Janet: Oh. Well, I'll tell you what -- why don't you and that special someone come and see Amanda's show? The school is putting on a Christmas pageant.
Becca: Oh.
Janet: And she's playing the sugarplum fairy.
Becca: She is not.
Janet: Yes.
Becca: That's so exciting.

Sophie's voice: You never know with kids. They get into all kinds of dangerous situations.

Janet: Hey. Amanda, stay away from that woman.
Amanda: What's wrong, mommy?
Janet: I told you never to talk to strangers.
Amanda: But she's nice. She's collecting money for the poor.
Woman: I'm sorry if I scared you, ma'am.
Janet: It's not your fault. We'd better go home.
Amanda: But I didn't get my hot chocolate.
Janet: Yeah, but we'll get you some at home. It'll be --
Becca: Janet, Janet, you forgot your purse. Are you ok?
Janet: Yeah. I'm -- I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm fine.
Amanda: I didn't get to sit on Santa's lap.
Janet: Honey, I said we have to go home. Your daddy's there. He's going to watch over you and keep you safe.
Amanda: Bye, Junior.
Becca: Bye.
Junior: Bye.

Jake: Gillian, listen, when I said that I loved you, I meant it. I -- I -- I don't know. It wasn't like it was some big announcement that I was planning. But, I mean, I was there and you were there and we were dancing and then I was holding you, and it just hit me that I -- I do. I love you. And I don't -- I don't expect you to say it back to me or -- or even feel the same. I -- I know that you're going through a lot -- you know, the fallout from your marriage and the accident and your injuries -- and I just want you to know that there's no pressure from me. I just want to be here with you and help you through this and take care of you. I don't know. Is that something you want? Because unless you tell me to get lost, I -- I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be here, with you.
Gillian: I want you to stay.
Jake: Before I forget, I have a present for you. Now, I know it's not really a tiara. But it's kind of in the spirit, don't you think? Huh? Oh, they're not for me. They're for you, actually.
Jake: Yeah. Look out, Rudolph. One sexy reindeer. Can you name all the reindeer? I always had a problem with that. Well, there'-- well, Rudolph, of course. And there's Stinky and Dicky and Siegfried and Roy. I don't know. I never knew them. I was never really -- let's forget the flash cards and the reindeer. Let's try something else. We got a few things around here. Ok. All right. That's it. The -- this.
Gillian: Coffee pot.
Jake: Very good. And -- oh, this is easy. How about this?
Gillian: Um -- mistletoe.
Jake: Very good. Uh, all right. And rounding third, we have this monstrosity. Gillian, come on. You're batting a thousand here. What's wrong?
Gillian: Bah, humbug.
Jake: Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, now, listen -- you're not afraid the Grinch is going to steal your Christmas, are you? Ok, I'm not going to let you have a blue Christmas. You're going to be out of here by Christmas eve. I promise. Even if I have to smuggle you out of here with the reindeer things there, disguised as Rudolph, I promise. You believe me? Good.

Liza: Ethan, can we hurry up with the mics?
Dixie: Honey, I don't think I can do this.
Tad: I know you can. I told you, just pretend that you're Kathie Lee and I'm Regis -- unless, of course, you want to be Regis.
Eli: Tad, Dixie, we're live in 30. Places, please.
Tad: All right. Ok, baby, here we go. Just take a deep breath and just follow my lead, ok? You're going to be fantastic.
Eli: Ok, everybody.
Tad: Come on.
Dixie: Ok. Eli: We're going to be on the air in a few seconds here. So when we go, if we can hear some really, really, really big applause, ok? Here we go. Four, three, two, one --

[cheers and applause]

Tad: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome. My name is Tad Martin. This is the premiere edition of a show we call "Nothing but the Truth." We are being brought to you live from the beautiful Pine Valley mall in downtown Pine Valley. Now, as some of you may remember, not too long ago on this very station, multimillionaire Adam chandler was struck in the face with a pie because of his surprise takeover of WRCW. It's a little something we at the station call "just desserts."

[Laughter]

Tad: I didn't write it. Anyway, the purpose of that show was to teach old Ebenezer Chandler that people aren't things you just step over on your way up the ladder of success. Well, blame it on the banana cream, folks, but a miracle has happened. Doesn't look like old Adam is going to be humbugging his way through Christmas this year. As a matter of fact, he is with us tonight, and he's going to be spreading the wealth, quite literally, from his own pocket to those of you who desperately need some Christmas cheer. Now, as a matter of record, you should know that this entire show was made possible by Mr. Chandler, and our gracious benefactor is here tonight of his own free will.

Adam: Yeah, damn you, Martin. When I get out of here, you're going to wish you'd never been born.

Tad: Was supposed to be the relationship guru that you know as Dr. Rae. Unfortunately, the doctor was called away on a house call. So a beautiful and talented woman has stepped in to save the day. Would you please put your hands together for my wife, Dixie Cooney Martin.

[Applause]

Dixie: Hello! Hello, everybody! Hi, Opal. Hi. Hi, Palmer.
Tad: Isn't she adorable? She's a little nervous. You can tell, can't you?
Dixie: Hi, friends back in Pigeon Hollow. Hello!
Tad: Oh. Ok, honey. I think it's time to bring out our guest.
Dixie: Ok. Everybody, here's the moment you've all been waiting for in our big bucks giveaway. The reason for the season, Mr. Millionaire known as the Grinch, Mr. Adam Chandler!

[Applause]

Stuart: Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Adam: Stuart, you're turning me into Santa Claus? I'm ruined!

Tad: Welcome to "Nothing but the Truth."
Dixie: Yes. Tell us why you decided to play Santa.

Adam: This is a travesty.

Stuart: [As Adam] well, it's the season --

Adam: I've got to stop this.

Stuart: To be jolly and to peace on earth, goodwill to men, all that.

Marian: God rest ye merry gentlemen

Stuart: So I decided to spread around as much joy --

Adam: Marian.

Stuart: And happiness as possible.

Marian: On Christmas day
Adam: I'll deal with you later.
Marian: Oh, tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy oh, tidings of comfort and joy
Marian: And it's tidings of comfort and joy oh. My, my, my. We have been busy, haven't we? Redecorating your bunker for the holidays?
Adam: It's something to do to pass the time, Marian.
Marian: Oh, darling, you're bored, aren't you? Well, it's lucky I came along because the networks are airing some really incredible shows this time of year I wouldn't want you to miss. Actu-- oh, you've got it on, actually. Turn up the sound and pull up a chair because, Adam Chandler, this is your life.

Dixie: So, Santa, are you ready to make somebody's holiday dreams come true?
Stuart: [As Adam] ho, ho, ho.
Tad: I'll take that as a yes.
Dixie: Ok. Charlie Abrams, come on down!
Junior: Hey, I know that kid. We used to play street hockey sometimes after school.
Dixie: So, Charlie, I guess you're a little bit too big to sit on Santa's lap, huh?
Stuart: Charlie, you want to tell me what's on your Christmas wish list this year?
Tad: Go ahead, Charlie. He won't bite.
Stuart: I like that name Charlie. You ever read a book called "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"? Oh! I love that book. One of my favorites. What if you had -- could win a golden ticket that you could trade for anything in the world -- anything in the world that you wanted? What would that be?
Charlie: Well, it's not just for me. There was a place I went after school to junk around with other kids. They had counselors who helped us with our schoolwork and teachers who volunteered to teach art and karate and stuff.
Stuart: Oh. Sounds like fun.
Charlie: Used to be, till some drug addict set the place on fire. Nothing left but ashes. Now we've got no place to go.
Stuart: Well, how much do you think it would cost to rebuild that clubhouse, Charlie? You think $1 million would do it?

[Audience gasps]

Stuart: There you are.
Charlie: Thank you, Santa!

Junior: Dad, that was so cool.
Stuart: Ho, ho. Well, I'm glad you think so, son.
Junior: Everybody does.
Tad: Let's see if we can get a close-up of that check.

[Applause]

Adam: More than anything, I wanted my son to be proud of me.
Marian: Well, the moment's come, Adam. But it's not you he's proud of. Really hurts, doesn't it, to know that Stuart makes a much better Adam than you could ever be?

Tad: Well, folks, that's one million down. Only 99 million left to go. Is Adam Chandler ready to write another check? We'll find out.

Hayley: Way to go, dad. Who knew you had the stuff?
Greenlee: Hayley, was that your dad on TV?
Hayley: Yeah, believe it or not.
Greenlee: Adam Chandler in Santa drag.
Hayley: Millennium madness must have struck him early. Go figure. You know, that's a really great dress. It looks great on you.
Greenlee: Thanks.
Hayley: Yeah.
Greenlee: Thanks, thanks. That means a lot coming from WRCW's new trend spotter.
Hayley: Well, I saw it on the fashion channel.
Greenlee: Me, too. Me, too, so I speed-dialed my Aunt Courtney. She follows fashion. She and Donna Karan went to junior high together.
Hayley: No kidding.
Greenlee: Yeah, yeah. I told her I'd flipped for this dress, so she called Arabella. This is the one you saw on the runway.
Hayley: Wow. Must be nice to be so well-connected.
Greenlee: Well, I can get one for you. A different color, so we don't end up doing the sister thing.
Hayley: Oh, no. Really, I wouldn't impose like that.
Greenlee: Oh, it's no biggie. My aunt lives in total fashion orbit. I'll see you later.

Ryan: Hayley. You got a sec?
Hayley: Huh? Yeah, I do.
Ryan: Actually, I'm just on my way to New York. I was just trying to stir up some interest in the new show, sell some ad time.
Hayley: You're the man.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, this is my hit list. And I just thought I'd run it by you, see if I forgot anybody or you had any ideas.
Hayley: Oh -- no. Got everybody covered.
Ryan: Well, good.
Hayley: Yeah. Listen, about the other night -- I apologize for barging in. I should've called first.
Ryan: Hey, it's no biggie.
Hayley: Whatever. It won't happen again. Good luck.
Ryan: Thanks.

Greenlee: Mr. Lavery.
Ryan: Tireless Ms. Smythe. Networking Hayley with your designer friends.
Greenlee: Her wardrobe needs work.
Ryan: Yeah, and so do you. Tossing her some free clothes, maybe giving her -- giving you a better shot at that job for assistant?
Greenlee: There's a need, I fill it. So this jaunt you're taking to Manhattan -- when did that happen?
Ryan: Well, it's been in the works. Why? You want to sign off on my permission slip?
Greenlee: You're a free agent.
Ryan: Yes, I am.
Greenlee: I'll clear my calendar and I'll go with you.
Ryan: Maybe next time.
Greenlee: Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. I can score tickets for any show on Broadway. You know, they say Dame Edna's a hoot, and I have an in with the new star of "Annie, Get Your Gun."
Ryan: Oh, sorry. I'm making this trip solo.
Greenlee: Oh, come on. Come on, come on. You can work days and me, nights.
Ryan: I'll see you when I get back.

Leo: Poor Greenlee. Left all by her lonesome in the valley of the pines.
Greenlee: Don't cry for me, Leo. I always land on my feet.
Leo: Like any self-respecting cat. I'm off to the mall. Hard to believe, but true. You should come with. We'll stir up some trouble.
Greenlee: Start a fight at the food court?
Leo: No, show off your dress. Oh, by the way, nice touch trying to bribe your way into Hayley's good graces.
Greenlee: I did not.
Leo: You did, but it's cool. See, I'm keyed in to your systems base. But Ryan doesn't get it.
Greenlee: Get what?
Leo: You don't want to be Hayley's assistant. You want her job.
Greenlee: You're a bright boy, Leo. And when I score my coup, I'll find a place for you.

Dixie: Ooh! How am I doing so far?
Tad: You are the hostess with the mostess.
Dixie: I can see why you like your job. It's fun. Oh, I'm a little worried about Junior, though. How is he going to feel when he finds out that all of this has been just a game to get back at Adam?
Tad: Especially since we've made his father a hero.
Dixie: Yeah. Well, you know, maybe if Adam's watching, what he sees will make him realize that he's got to change, you know, at least for Junior's sake.
Tad: Better living through television? Don't count on it.
Dixie: Maybe.
Jake: Hey.
Tad: Hey, Jake. What's going on? You come down to join our band of merry men?
Dixie: And women.
Jake: Yeah, yeah. But Liza just called me. She said it was urgent. I was supposed to demand $1 million from Adam for Cindy's hospice.
Tad: That's a great idea. You've got to do it.
Jake: Yeah, I agree, but -- Adam? Santa Claus?
Tad: Why not?
Jake: There's something screwy. I don't know.
Tad: No, no, wait a minute. Maybe the season and the spirit caught up with him.
Jake: But -- no. He's not going to give away a million dollars, not unless you got a gun to his head.
Tad: Well, I don't believe in violence.
Jake: There's something screwy going on here.
Tad: Why are you looking a gift millionaire in the mouth? Why don't you just grab the money and run to the bank?
Jake: I just have a bad feeling about this.
Tad: Well, take two aspirin and call me in the morning. You'll feel better.
Dixie: Honey, Eli's waving at us. We got to go!
Tad: All right, come on. We're coming back --
Dixie: How's my hair?
Tad: From a commercial break. You just stand by. It's Showtime.
Eli: And we're going to go again, folks, pretty soon -- oh, watch yourself there. And you know what to do. So here we go in four, three, two, one -- applause.

[Applause]

Tad: All right, folks. It's time for our next million-dollar giveaway. And it's my pleasure to introduce direct from the Pine Valley Hospital none other than my brother, Dr. Jake Martin.

[Applause]

Stuart: Well, Jake, what can Santa do for you today?
Jake: Um -- well, Santa, I'm here on behalf of the Cindy Chandler AIDS hospice. For those of you who don't know who Cindy was, she was an incredible woman whose life didn't end when she passed away. Her good works -- I guess they -- they live on through her hospice, which provides care and comfort for those suffering from AIDS.

[Applause]

Jake: So, Santa, with the money, I promise it will be used to help ease the suffering of those suffering from AIDS. And in the name of Cindy Chandler and in her spirit, I ask you for help.
Stuart: Well, in the name of Cindy Chandler and her spirit, here's a check for $1 million.

[Applause]

[Gillian mutes TV]

Ryan: Looks like Tad's show is going to help a lot of people. How you doing, Princess?
Gillian: Better, better.
Ryan: It's a -- it's a new look. It's nice. I like it.
Gillian: From Jake.
Stuart: Well, there you are, Dr. Jake.

Jake: Well, on behalf of Pine Valley Hospital, I thank you. And if it's all right, I'd like to accept this check also in honor of my daughter Colby's first Christmas.
Dixie: Aw.

[Applause]

Adam: She's my daughter! Damn it!

Hayley: Maybe Santa Claus has a soft spot in his -- to you, as well, madam! Unbelievable.

[Telephone rings]

Hayley: Oh, hi. Do you hear the ringing? Could you answer the phone?

[Ring]

Janet: Hayley, what's with the phones?
Hayley: Oh, everyone in this town is gripped with money mania since Tad's show.
Janet: So are you working hard?
Hayley: Very. What's up?
Janet: I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.
Hayley: Yeah, ok. What -- what's the matter?
Janet: I wanted to ask you a favor.
Hayley: Well, sure. Sit down. Of course.
Janet: You know I'm shuttling back and forth between Enchantment and S.O.S. For work, and sometimes Amanda beats me home. I was wondering if you could keep an eye on her.
Hayley: What about Jeannie next door? I thought she babysat Amanda after school.
Janet: Well, she does. But, you know, Jeannie's 16 years old and naive. She could be lured away and Amanda would be vulnerable.
Hayley: Well, who would do that?
Janet: Anyone. I mean, you read the papers. When you have children of your own, you'll understand. You can't be too careful.
Hayley: Yeah. Listen, I'm going to be spending most of my time here. On my off days, I'll be glad to watch Amanda. But I mean, I'm trying to launch a new show here, you know? I really wouldn't worry about it, though. Amanda's a smart kid. She's not going to do anything to get into any trouble. I got to go to a fitting. Are you ok?
Janet: Yes, I'm fine.
Hayley: You sure? All right. I'll see you at dinner, ok?

Image: When are you going to get a clue? There's only one way to protect Amanda.
Janet: Go away! I won't listen to you.
Image: You better listen. You want to keep Amanda safe and sound, then you had better eliminate the problem. Get rid of Sophie.

Ryan: I was just on my way to New York, and I thought I'd stop by, see if you want me to bring you back anything.
Gillian: Beagles.
Ryan: Beagles? You mean, the kind with four paws, or do you mean the kind of bread that you spread cream cheese, shaped like a doughnut?
Gillian: Bagels.
Ryan: Bagels, right. Sure, sure. I'll bring you a whole bag. It's nice to see you looking so well.
Gillian: Jake takes care of me.
Ryan: Lucky for him. For you. Lucky for you. I just want you to be happy.
Ryan: Merry Christmas, Princess.

Becca: Hi.
Scott: Hey.
Becca: Um -- I made something for you.
Scott: I don't have anything for you.
Becca: No, no, no. It's ok. It's not a Christmas present. It's -- it's more of a peace offering. It's chocolate sauce, Dixie's recipe. I made it from scratch.
Scott: That's -- that's sweet of you. Literally. Thank you.
Becca: You're welcome. You're welcome. Oh.
Liza: Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me. Scott?
Scott: Yeah?
Liza: We have an audio problem. I need you right now.
Scott: Ok, sure. I'll -- I'll see you after --
Becca: Yes.
Scott: The show. Ok.
Becca: Ok.
Scott: Bye.
Becca: Bye.

Greenlee: "I made it from Dixie's recipe!" Oh, isn't that too, too precious?
Becca: Ah!
Greenlee: Oh. Oops. Call me Miss Butterfingers.
Becca: You did that on purpose.
Greenlee: Oh. Well, you can always go back to Pigeon Droppings or wherever you come from and whip up a new batch.

Leo: No, no, no, no. Let me do it. Go ahead.
Becca: Thanks.
Leo: I don't want you cutting yourself.
Becca: Thank you.
Leo: All right. You bet.
Leo: Hey, you there, with the mop and the day-glo jump suit -- we got a cleanup over here.

Brooke: Hey, there.
Tad: Brooke, how do you like the show so far?
Brooke: Actually, it's unbelievable. Why are you doing this, Adam?
Tad: Oh, why, look at that. Our stage manager's motioning us back. We're coming back from a live commercial break. You have to take your seat, honey. Thank you.

[Applause]

Tad: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We're back, and we hope you are ready to watch the most generous man on the face of the planet make one of you an instant millionaire!

[Applause]

Dixie: Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Adam: Not if I can stop you!