Leo: [Imitating Robin Leach] Champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the inner sanctum.
Greenlee: "Champagne wishes"?
Leo: Most humans can only wish they had access to a room like this. The -- uh -- the room. The bedroom of one Erica Kane.
Greenlee: Woo-hoo.
Leo: Every evening after a long day of wheeling and dealing and doubling her money, La Kane comes home to this room and lies across the bed, supine --
Greenlee: Sue who?
Leo: Luxuriating in the comforts of her imported Italian linen sheets and her French silk -- whatever the hell these are -- and bathing herself in the world's most expensive perfume. What a woman. What an icon. What a lifestyle. Tell us what you think, Miss Smythe.
Greenlee: How could Ryan have stood me up?
Leo: No, there is no standing up in the world of the rich and famous.
Greenlee: I'm going to try him again. What? La Kane keeps track of all her outgoing local calls or something?
Leo: [Normal voice] I'm working my tail off here trying to make you forget.
Greenlee: I got ditched.
Leo: You are standing in Erica Kane's bedroom.
Greenlee: Your point?
Leo: My point is the lady of the manor is out of town. My brother, the oaf, is on call at the hospital, saving lives for sport, and we are here alone.
Greenlee: Are you making a pass at me?
Leo: No.
Greenlee: Then what's the big freaking deal about being in this room alone? My date stood me up, and my sunburn hurts. Ooh, baby, my dreams come true.
Leo: This is the chance of a lifetime, Greenlee. Don't you want to snoop through the drawers? I did it. It's fun.
Greenlee: Do I look like a lunatic?
Leo: Ok, my mother. When she gets depressed, she -- she likes to squirt herself with this stuff, and -- poof -- she's all better. That is if Erica actually uses the stuff she sells at Enchantment. Smells like the real stuff.
Greenlee: Yeah. Yeah, it's the real stuff, all right. It's, like, a thousand bucks an ounce or something. You know what? This is nice, I admit it.
Leo: Oh, if these springs could talk. Come on. Don't get your knickers in a twist, Greenlee. Come on, you can tell your grandkids that you got to sit on Erica Kane's bed with me before I was famous.
Greenlee: You are so wasting your time.
Leo: I am not. You're in a much better mood than you were five minutes ago.
Greenlee: Your time, Leo, not mine. Look, I know that your mother was a freak show and your life has been one long train wreck, but you are making a huge mistake.

Vanessa: Every piece here comes from a different European family, the finest estates only. Worth hundreds of thousands, hundreds.
Jeweler: I'll give you 10 grand for the pile.
Vanessa: That's highway robbery, Theo, and you know it.
Theo: Mrs. Cortlandt, I'll be honest with you. There isn't a jeweler or a furrier or a designer in this town that doesn't know your situation.
Vanessa: Really? What might my situation be?
Theo: Your husband's cut off your credit. That kind of news gets around.
Vanessa: Well, that's just really just --
Theo: Just the truth. So I know you need the cash. I can hand over the 10 grand to you right now. I'd take it if I were you and consider myself lucky.
Palmer: Good advice. Good advice. Grab it, darling. You may not be so lucky in a long time.
Theo: That's my final offer. You know where to find me.
Vanessa: Ok, Palmer. Just how much longer is this going to go on, huh? Haven't I proven to you I'm sorry for my sins? Haven't I? Haven't I suffered enough, huh? What? There's more? Can you think of any other way to torture me?
Palmer: You think not being able to go shopping is a torture?
Vanessa: Well, it isn't just that simple. Palmer: Well
, adultery and murder rarely are. No, there are far greater consequences on your particular horizon, I assure you.

Tad: You know, ordinarily the chance to kick Adam to the curb twice in one year would be the whipped cream on the hot cocoa of my life, but it's certainly obvious that you have doubts.
Liza: Just thinking.
Tad: No, you're not. You're stewing. There's a big difference. Look, take it easy. We've won the round, ok? The board is behind us 200%. They're not going to take Adam seriously. And Arlene's little surprise visit didn't exactly hurt our case, either.
Liza: I don't think we can write Adam off just yet.
Tad: Neither do I. But for the moment, anyway, there's nothing he can do to us, so why don't you try to lighten up.

Brooke: Hi there. Hi, Liza.
Liza: Hi.
Tad: Hi, Brooke.
Brooke: Your receptionist said I would find you in here, and I wanted to make sure that you got this in person.
Tad: That's for me?
Brooke: No, that's for our son.
Tad: Oh.
Brooke: Oh, don't tell me. You didn't forget this already?
Tad: No, no, no. I didn't forget. I didn't forget. I just -- I just back-burnered it for a minute, I think.
Brooke: It's visiting day at camp tomorrow.
Tad: Yeah, don't help, ok? Thanks. Listen, it's no problem, I promise, ok? I'm just going to be out half a day, that's al
Liza: No, no, no --
Tad: I'll be back before you know --
Liza: Mr. Sumimoto is flying from Tokyo to have a meeting just with you.
Tad: I know, know.
Liza: The man is flying 9,000 miles. I'm supposed to tell him my new partner is trapped up at camp Hiawatha crafting lanyards and singing "Kumbaya"?
Tad: Look, he's going to be exhausted --
Liza: I cannot let this man down. You can't. Jamie has to understand that his father has a job. A real job. I will see you here tomorrow at 9:00 A.M. To go over the presentation. Good night.
Brooke: Good night.

Brooke: Well, it seems you have a little bit of a problem.

Arlene: That little twerp! I mean, who the hell does Tad Martin think he is, anyway, huh?
Adam: Who doesn't he think is. Bartender?
Arlene: I mean, what, he thinks he's to the manor born? I mean, showing those photographs to the board. You, Swifty, we would like two double scotches, please. Ever since I married you, sleazebag paparazzi taking those disgusting photographs of us. What are you going to do, Adam, huh?
Adam: Nothing.
Arlene: Barney, what the hell did you pour us, anyway?
Barney: Damn, I didn't recognize you. What's your pleasure, Mr. Chandler?
Arlene: Mr. And Mrs. Chandler, thank you. Would you pour us some of the premium? Thank you. I can't imagine what the premium is like in this place anyway. I mean, God, this day couldn't have been any worse. Tad and your backstabbing ex-wife doing a hatchet job on us at that boardroom, and now we have to drink this fricking rotgut.
Adam: Arlene, will you stop yammering? Please? How am I supposed to come up with a plan to undo Tad Martin if you keep on talking? I need time to think.
Arlene: That's it, Adam. And I got just the plan to nail that twerp to the floor.

Greenlee: Are you going to listen to me?
Leo: I don't have earplugs in my pocket, so I guess I have to.
Greenlee: You're chasing the wrong girl.
Leo: You are like the queen of non sequiturs. You know that, Greenlee? Where did that come from?
Greenlee: I'm the one spending time with you. I'm the one that sees how funny you are and how smart you are. And you're wasting all this time running after curly locks. She twists her ringlets a little too tight if you know what I mean. Cuts off blood flow to the brain.
Leo: Look, I know that you don't like Becca and she bugs you, but she is not dumb.
Greenlee: No? She fell for the most bogus ploy in the book tonight.
Leo: What ploy?
Greenlee: Remember that phone call that Becca got from Opal?
Leo: Yeah, she had to go pick up Opal's kid. That's why our date got bumped. No. No, you didn't.
Greenlee: [Imitating Opal] my poor little Petey is just stranded, Becca. Can you help?
[Normal voice] Oh, don't look so wounded, Leo. I needed you alone. You know, so I could make Ryan jealous. Oh, come on! Ryan was going to make an entrance any minute, and I needed you. It's not my fault he's AWOL. Are you mad at me?
Leo: Yes!
Greenlee: [Imitating Opal] but you're my friend, Leo.
Leo: That is the worst Opal I have ever heard in my life.
Greenlee: [Normal voice] I know. That's what I'm saying. And Becca fell for the whole thing. I guess she's a well-built house, but there's nobody home. You know what I mean? She's the wrong girl for you.
Leo: Look, if ever there was a dog barking up the wrong tree, Greenlee, it's you.
Greenlee: I resent that.
Leo: Oh, come on. Ryan is so totally free from pretense, his picture should be in the dictionary for "genuine." And you -- you are, like, the most insincere person I've ever met in my life. Next to me. I mean, look at us, Greenlee. I'm lounging on my brother's girlfriend's bed, the media star, who, by the way, is currently acting as my meal ticket. And then there's my mother, who -- well, let's just gloss over that lovely little bedtime story, shall we? I'm in a halfway decent mood tonight.
Greenlee: How did we get so shallow?
Leo: Years of training.
Greenlee: I guess. What's the most shallow thing you ever did? Ever.
Leo: Come on, Greenlee, we did it together.
Greenlee: We did? When? You mean when we messed around?
Leo: No, when we made the bet about me taking away Becca's virginity.
Greenlee: Yeah, that would qualify. You're right.
Leo: Yeah.
Greenlee: But it never happened.
Leo: Not yet.
Greenlee: Yet. We are so awful.
Leo: Who would want us? Shallow and pathetic, in the flesh.

Tad: It is not a problem. And even if it is, it's just a problem I haven't found a solution for yet. I'm a natural-born problem solver, remember? All I got to do is look at the facts. Fact one -- Liza expects me here at 9:00 For a meeting. Fact two -- Jamie expects me at camp for visitors' day. Then, of course, there's my wife, who wishes I'd never taken this job in the first place but won't admit it.
Brooke: And then there's me.
Tad: What about you?
Brooke: Well, it would have been nice if you had given me a heads-up as far as taking this new job. No, I had to see your mug on the internet news service, and that's how I found out.
Tad: Yeah. You'd tell me to deep-fat-fry something at the Chicken Shack if I told you I was going to run Chandler Enterprises with Liza.
Brooke: Probably.
Tad: Yeah. Well, that's because you, like everybody else in town, expects me to screw up.
Brooke: No, I don't.
Tad: Yes, you do.
Brooke: No, I don't. I am just worried about you, ok?
Tad: You don't need to worry. My father doesn't need to worry. Dixie doesn't need to worry. Nobody needs to worry. I'm going to be fine.
Brooke: Of course you will. And the bottom line is if this company goes belly-up, is that such a big tragedy?
Tad: Yeah, it would be.

Arlene: You're always telling me that tad has no head for business. He practically bankrupted that vineyard in California, right? So it wouldn't take any work at all just to do a little old-fashioned whispering campaign on him, huh? I'm with you on this, Adam. I want Tad and Liza to crash and burn just as much as you do.
Adam: You may be on to something, Arlene.
Arlene: That's the spirit. Yes!
Adam: But you have to be quiet -- absolutely totally quiet -- for three minutes so I can think.

Liza: I may be a lot of things, but I am not a fool. I know exactly what you're doing, Adam.
Liza: You can just stop pretending that you don't care whether this company lives or dies. That last rush for the board -- that proved my point.
Adam: You have a point?
Liza: Yes, I do. You lost, and I won. Chandler Enterprises is mine, and you're not getting it back. End of story.
Adam: Yes, you're right. Absolutely right. I've lost it. I have no intention of ever doing again what I did today. You see, she got me pickled and talked me into storming the barricades, so to speak. It was entirely a mistake. You see, Chandler Enterprises is not my power base anymore. This is. No, I'm glad the board threw me out. Absolutely delighted. I didn't want the aggravation anyway. So here's to you and your new partner. I hope every day is just as satisfying as this one. Hey! Do something to that. Liza, what is it? Don't you think this is the perfect coda to our tortured relationship? What else can you possibly have to say to me?

Tad: I don't know what the hell's going on around here. Everybody's acting like this job has got the word "fiasco" tattooed all over it.
Brooke: I think it's the Tad-Liza combo that has raised eyebrows.
Tad: Well, you and Edmund work together.
Brooke: That's very different.
Tad: Yeah, yeah, it is. Because the whole world, especially the whole world who knows me, never sets its sights too high where I'm concerned.
Brooke: That is not true.
Tad: It is a fact. As far back as I can remember, way back when the world was cooling, people were cutting me slack because I'm the adopted Martin, I'm the one that got left in a state park like some kind of puppy his father couldn't housetrain.
Brooke: Tad.
Tad: It's the truth. Why do you think -- why do you think I learned to talk my way out of everything, huh? It's because people were always waiting for me to fall flat on my face and then jump back up like some kind of circus clown and go, "it's ok, it's ok. I meant to do that." Well, guess what. I don't want to be anybody's clown. You know, I'm going to pull this off, and with more than just a passing grade. I'm going to be on the cover of every single entrepreneurial magazine in this country, including yours.
Brooke, I want to be the biggest success to come out of Pine Valley since Palmer Cortlandt. This is my chance to be somebody. I'm not going to screw it up. I can't.

Vanessa: Oh, Palmer. All right, I know I have hurt your pride, but I cannot go on this way. And that poor excuse for a jeweler is only one of the many who are gossiping behind my back, one of the many who used to kowtow to me because of who I was and who --
Palmer: And who you were married to.
Vanessa: And now I'm relegated to shame and poverty.
Palmer: Vanessa, you are sitting in a dining room with a basket of bread sticks in front of you. Now, I would hardly call that dire straits.
Vanessa: Palmer, there is no greater punishment than gossip. None. And right now I feel like Glenn Close at the opera in "Dangerous Liaisons." Why are you doing this to me? I beg you for pity.
That scarf.
Phoebe: Yes, isn't it, Vanessa? Isn't it to die for?
Myrtle: I nearly died when I saw it in the thrift shop.
Palmer: No. What a wonderful find. May I ask, how much did you pay for that?
Myrtle: $5.
Palmer: No. Well, that's astounding. It must be worth hundreds, wouldn't you say, Vanessa?
Vanessa: It's actually worth thousands. And I really should know because it happens to be my scarf and I would like it back.
Myrtle: Oh.
Vanessa: I'll pay you 10.
Myrtle: Just a minute.

Leo: Ok, we may be shallow, but we are not pathetic.
Greenlee: No, never.
Leo: Like waifs. Like wandering waifs. Like waify little orphan-like waif creatures.
Greenlee: Why are we wandering? What are we looking for?
Leo: You know.
Greenlee: Oh, please. Love?
Leo: I don't even know what love is. Not in any form. Do you?
Leo: What were you going to say, Greenlee?
Greenlee: What are we doing?
Leo: What are we doing?
Greenlee: This is a terrible idea, Leo.
Leo: I know.
Greenlee: I need you.
Leo: I need you, too. I mean, like as a friend.
Greenlee: Yeah, and if we keep having sex --
Leo: Sex ruins everything.
Greenlee: With friends.
Leo: Yeah, I mean, it's ok if you're in love or --
Greenlee: But it's a sure-fire way to end a perfectly good friendship.
Leo: Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Greenlee: Ice cream.
Leo: Ice cream?
Greenlee: Yeah, perfectly good substitute.
Leo: For sex?
Greenlee: Don't knock it till you try it. We can't have sex, Leo.
Leo: I know. So, this ice cream thing really works?
Greenlee: Yeah. Do you have any idea where Erica keeps the ice cream?
Leo: In the freezer. It's cold in the freezer.
Greenlee: Cold is good. Let's go.

Vanessa: I really would love --
Palmer: You'll have to forgive my wife, Myrtle. You know, she hasn't been herself since her son was accused of murder, which he didn't commit.
Vanessa: It's my shawl. It's --
Palmer: Tell me -- tell me, Myrtle, when is your daughter, Rae, coming back south?
Myrtle: I don't really know. She's very busy. Why do you ask?
Palmer: Well, she's such a beautiful, lovely, charming, vibrant woman.
Myrtle: She certainly is.
Palmer: May I suggest that Rae and you and I have lunch when she comes back to Pine Valley?
Myrtle: We'll talk.
Phoebe: Well, good luck to you, Vanessa. Looks as if you're going to need it.

Vanessa: Palmer! Are you completely satisfied? You've humiliated me in public.
Palmer: You're the one who rushed Myrtle like a linebacker. I do believe I saved you a lawsuit.
Vanessa: Oh, this whole thing is so grossly unfair. And, you know, you have not exactly been St. Francis of Assisi. And frankly, I'm getting just a little tired of you lording your superiority over me.
Palmer: I agree with you. For once, I agree with you. We both have had enough.
Vanessa: Well, good.
Vanessa: You're divorcing me?

Tad: I took this job because I want to prove something. Not just to my father, not just to Dixie, not to my children, but to myself. I don't want to go through life winging it, you know, trying to talk my way out of one jam after another. I just want to succeed at something for once.
Brooke: Tad.
Tad: What?
Brooke: You are a success. Don't you know that? Your kids love you. I mean, that is huge. In the big scheme of things, that is the only thing that matters. Your father loves you. Your kids love you. Dixie loves you. Hell, even I love you.
Tad: I know. That's why you got to understand how important this is to me. I can't fail. I can't. I need to make Chandler Enterprises a success. I need to make it a bigger powerhouse than even Adam could have imagined. I need this. I need this very badly.
Brooke: Do you need success more than your son needs to know he can count on his father?

Liza: So this is it. This is what you want to do with your life? You want to sit and get drunk with her? You are the smartest and most successful man in this world, and you want to drown yourself in this with this floozy.
Arlene: Oh, would you just watch it?
Liza: Oh, now, there's class. For God's sake, this is not you. And it's killing you.
Adam: You know, you're absolutely right. It is killing me from boredom. I need something to do. That's why I'm going to -- I'm going to buy this place. Yes! That is exactly what I'm going to do. I've made up my mind. That way -- my power base is this. If I own the joint, I'll never be more than an arm's length away from it. It's a perfect match.
Liza: You know what? I'm not going to talk to you while you're drunk.
Adam: Good, good. You'll never talk to me again because this is how and where I'm going to spend the rest of my days.
Liza: Knock yourself out. I don't give a damn. Look at me. Don't come near me and don't come near my company ever again.

Arlene: Good riddance. You know, Adam, you really got me going there for a while there. I thought -- about buying this place? It was very good. What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Adam: Yeah.
Arlene: Oh, you're not serious.
Adam: Can you pour a boilermaker as fast as you can drink one, Arlene?
Arlene: Come on, Adam. Don't fool around like this.
Adam: Bartender? I would like you to call the owner of this fine establishment. Tell him that Adam Chandler wants to make him an offer he can't refuse.
Arlene: Wait, Adam, don't do this.
Barney: I'm the owner. This dump is mine.
Adam: And fine dump it is, Sir. What's your name?
Barney: Barney Paulsen.
Adam: Barney, name your price.
Arlene: No, wait. Excuse us. Adam? Adam, look, you can't do this.
Adam: Arlene, this is fate. You can't stand in the way of fate. This is my destiny.
Arlene: No, no, no. You don't get it, do you? You don't get it. I cannot be a bar owner's wife. I can't do it. I was weaned in a place like this, and there's no way in hell that I'm going to go back. Please don't do this to me.
Adam: My mind is made up, Arlene.
Arlene: No, wait. Just a minute ago, you had a plan to nail Tad. What's going on?
Adam: You have a number yet, Barney?
Barney: Well, I was thinking if I fixed it up first, you'd give me more.
Adam: Yeah, what would you want if you fixed it up first?
Barney: Oh, I don't know. 75 Grand, I guess.
Adam: How about 100 grand in cash in the morning? How does that sound?
Barney: Are you drunk?
Adam: Yes, but I'm never too drunk to talk about money. You give me this place with its charm intact, and by this time tomorrow you can be on your way to somewhere exotic, like Orlando.
Barney: I want this in writing.
Adam: As do I.
Barney: Good. I'll go rough something up.
Arlene: You can't do this. You can't do this, not to me, not now.
Adam: Arlene, will you calm down? Don't you realize? Don't you recognize an evil plot when you see one?
Arlene: What?
Adam: This is how I'm going to bring Tad Martin down for good.

Tad: No contest. Not even a question. Ok, I'm going to keep my word to our son. I have to find a way to make it up to Liza and Mr. -- Tsunami, whatever the hell his name is. But Jamie comes first. He always will.
Brooke: I'm going to hate myself for this in the morning.
Tad: For what?
Brooke: Look, I presented this to you like it was a life-or-death thing, and it's -- it's not. It isn't. You can go and visit Jamie on another day. Yes, you can, all right? When some important Japanese businessman with a gazillion dollars is not coming here for a meeting with you.
Tad: You said it yourself -- he's expecting to see me.
Brooke: And I will cover, and he will understand. And you will do it on another day, when it is not such an important business day.
Tad: Why are you doing this?
Brooke: Because I heard how important the success of this company is to you. And as the mother of your son, I mean, I have a certain vested interest in that. And he loves camp. He really does, you know? And it'll be fine, you know, if you don't come up for another day or two.
Tad: You going to let me off the hook like everybody else?
Brooke: No. I'm putting you on the hook for me and for your son. And you better close this deal with this Japanese businessman so that we can feel that this Sturm und Drang was not for nothing. Got it?
Tad: Got it. I'm never going to forget this.
Brooke: I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I'm not going to forget it, either. Especially when I'm getting up at 6:00 A.M. Tomorrow morning to go to camp. It better not rain.
Tad: Sure you can handle it?
Brooke: Yes, I can handle it. No, I just have to reschedule one appointment, but Eliot will understand.
Tad: Hmm.
Brooke: What is that with the eyebrow?
Tad: Breaking a date with Eliot, hmm?
Brooke: It's not a date, it's an appointment.
Tad: Are you sure?
Brooke: Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure. He works at the shelter. We're friends, ok?
Tad: Sure. Friends are the best. We should know.

Greenlee: See what I mean about ice cream?
Leo: Oh, yeah. Keeps friends friends and sex somewhere else. And that ain't always easy. I mean, we are the only ones that understand us, right? We have to stick together. We let our hormones get in the way, and god knows what. Sugar crash, Greens? Greenlee?

Vanessa: Palmer, this divorce agreement leaves me absolutely nothing.
Palmer: Well, no, not absolutely nothing. If you notice, I've left you the clothes on your back. Oh, don't look so outraged. Really, this is how you live your life.
Vanessa: How dare you.
Palmer: You bring nothing, you take whatever you can, and then you disappear when the well is dry. Well, it's not the case this time, is it? No, because you have met your match, and it is infuriating, isn't it?
Vanessa: Palmer, really, how can you? After all we have been through to have each other -- you know what? God help me, but I really do love you don't you know that?
Palmer: Your know, love has never been in our handbook, Vanessa. And god help you if there was a shred of truth in what you just said because you have one hell of a way of showing it.
Vanessa: Palmer, no --
Palmer: Please, do not make another scene.
Vanessa: No, no, stop. Just stop right there. Now, you listen to me. I swear on my life that I will prove to you that I not only love you but I can be a worthy wife, Palmer. You just give me one last chance. Please. Please.
Palmer: One chance? All right. One chance. But, Vanessa, I don't have forever.

Brooke: Listen, just be careful, ok?
Tad: Be careful? I'm a businessman now. What's the worst that's going to happen to me, huh? I'm going to slam my hand in a desk drawer?
Brooke: I'm talking about being careful with Adam.
Tad: Adam's long gone.
Brooke: Don't count on that. This company is like his child, and he's not going to walk away from it without a fight.
Tad: I know. But whether he knows it or not, he's already lost -- to me.

Arlene: Would you explain to me how owning this dump is going to make you back in charge of Chandler Enterprises?
Adam: You're not paying attention. It can't. Of course it can't. Liza's right. The board's not going to accept me back.
Arlene: Well, then how are you going to get back?
Adam: Well, I'm not going to go through the board. I'm going to go around them.
Arlene: What?
Adam: I'm going to take Chandler Enterprises completely and totally apart, brick by brick, person by person, until there's nothing left.
Arlene: Adam. Adam, that is not a solution. If you destroy that company, it's like putting a noose around your neck.
Adam: I don't care. If I can't own it, if I can't run it, then nobody else is going to. Certainly not Tad Martin.
Arlene: Well, if you pull this off, what are you going to get, hmm?
Adam: The deepest satisfaction of my life. Now, Barney, what about it? You want your 100 grand in 50s or 100s?


ON THE NEXT - - - - ALL MY CHILDREN

Gillian: Not one more lie. We're going to tell everybody how we're feeling today.

Erica: Get out of my bed -- now!

Adam: I'm releasing you. You don't have to be my daughter anymore.

Stuart: Go ahead and, please, call this Adam guy, whoever he is.