Tad: Dixie?
Honey? Dix? Dixie: [Muffled voice] I'm brushing my teeth.
Tad: Ah! Ooh. Room service, please. Yeah, hi. This is Mr. Martin up in room 325. It's the last morning of my honeymoon. I'd like to spoil my wife a little bit. Yeah, breakfast fit for a queen. What do you say to some scrambled eggs, well-done, sausage? Croissant, if you have them, with marmalade. And do you have berries today? Raspberries -- perfect -- with clotted cream and some orange juice, fresh-squeezed, and hot coffee. Yeah. No, that's just fine. You just make sure the berries are plump and the coffee's hot. We'll be waiting. Thanks. Honey? You still brushing?
Dixie: Still brushing.

Jake: Hey, Gillian. Wait up.
Gillian: Oh, I -- I don't want to interrupt you.
Jake: No. Where are you going? What about breakfast?
Gillian: I'll just get something at the coffee bar.
Jake: You're going to eat out? Take a whiff.
Gillian: Oh, Mrs. Fargate's corn muffins.
Jake: Exactly. Myrtle's muffins. How can you rest Myrtle's muffins?
Gillian: I'll just get some later.
Jake: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you trying to avoid me?
Gillian: No. No, of course not.
Jake: No, no. You just tried to tiptoe out of here without me noticing.
Gillian: No, Jake. I told you, I just -- I didn't want to break your concentration.
Jake: You're uncomfortable because I kissed you last night.

Adam: After that Adrian sword fiasco --
Barry: That was not my fault.
Adam: Shh! Keep your voice down. Liza and Marian are upstairs.
Barry: The private investigator I hired was just starting the Jake Martin case when --
Adam: When he got busted, that's when. What do you do, hire from your "losers only" file?
Barry: You still want Jake Martin covered?
Adam: I think maybe we can put Jake on hold for a while. Whatever he's chewing on is related to Ryan and Gillian Lavery.
Barry: Hayward and the Laverys?
Adam: Yes. There's something there.
Barry: Well, we could put someone on Ryan.
Adam: No, no. No, don't even try it. I've tried. He's not talking. But Gillian, I think, will be more forthcoming.
Barry: Do you know her?
Adam: We're acquainted, slightly. But Scott knows her. And I know my nephew.

[Doorbell rings]

Adam: Well, he's prompt if nothing else. Let me know if anything comes in on our project.
Barry: Right.
Adam: Scott, right on time.
Barry: Yeah. It's nice to see you in town, Scott.
Scott: Thank you, Mr. Shire. Meeting with your lawyer before breakfast, Uncle Adam?
Adam: Oh, baby needs shoes.
Scott: Ah. And what do you need?
Adam: Well, I just want to have breakfast with my nephew. Hmm? Play a little catch-up? What do you say? Do I need a special reason to invite you over?
Scott: No, but you always have one. So why don't you tell me what it is and save us both a lot of time.

Stuart: Well, hi. Hi, Belinda, Adrian.
Belinda: Hi.
Stuart: Hi, Petey.
Belinda: Well, here he is. Now, he's having, what, a private lesson today?
Stuart: Yeah, well, for now. If he likes it, maybe he'll join a class. Petey, why don't you go over and pick yourself out an easel. Where's Opal?
Adrian: Oh, she's meeting with the vendors, picking out cosmetics, shampoos, mud packs, things like that. She's going to reinvent the Glamorama.
Stuart: The Glamorama oh, that's great! Where, though? The old building is a fast food joint.
Adrian: Oh, no, Stuart. The kicker is she's going to do it at Cortlandt Manor. She's going to turn the whole place into a day spa.
Stuart: Palmer's going to turn purple.
Belinda: I know, if not just totally insane.
Stuart: Oh, he hasn't been bothering Opal, has he?
Adrian: Oh, no. He's been behaving himself.
Belinda: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adrian's making sure of that.
Stuart: Good. The Glamorama again? That's -- oh, that place was so much fun. We had -- Opal was there, and my Cindy, Scott's mom. She worked there for a while after Scott's dad died.
Adrian: I thought you were Scott's dad.
Stuart: Well, I am. I adopted him after Cindy and I got married.
Adrian: Oh.
Belinda: Yeah. But I can see why you made that mistake. Scott is an awful lot like Stuart.
Stuart: Well, thanks.
We -- we both like visual stuff. And he wants to make films, you know. And he's also a lot like Adam.
Belinda: Really? How?
Stuart: Well, the way he gets something in his head and he just won't let go of it, the way he's stubborn -- Chandler stubborn.

Scott: So, does Winifred still make those wonderful popovers with the cherry inside?
Adam: Yes, she does. Yes, she does. More coffee?
Scott: Thanks, yeah. You never answered my question, Uncle Adam.
Adam: What question?
Scott: Why you invited me here for breakfast.
Adam: All right, Scott. I want to offer you a job. I know you want to go to film school.
Scott: I'm going to apply, yeah.
Adam: Yeah. Well, you have all summer before that happens, and an entry-level job at Chandler Enterprises could give you some wonderful experience.
Scott: But you know I've already accepted a position at WRCW. Liza's promised me hands-on time with the camera and maybe even directing this time.
Adam: Hmm. I guess that'd be more to the point for you right now, wouldn't it?
Scott: I appreciate you offering me a job, but I --
Adam: Well, I was hoping I would have a chance to work with you -- you know, training, teaching. And it wouldn't be a one-way street, either. I need -- I need new ideas coming in. A corporation is a lot like any other living organism. It needs stimulation, and once in a while, a good, swift kick in the rear.
Scott: Sounds good, Uncle Adam.
Adam: Problem is I haven't been able to find many young people that are reliable enough. Maybe you know someone.
Scott: Interested in business?
Adam: Mm-hmm.
Scott: None come to mind, but I haven't exactly been thinking about it.
Adam: Ah. What about Gillian Lavery?
Scott: The Princess Andrassy?
Adam: Mm-hmm.
Scott: Why on earth would you think of her?

Gillian: Who gets fluttered by a kiss?
Jake: "Flustered"? Not me.
Gillian: I've been kissed by men on every continent -- except, of course, Antarctica.
Jake: Oh, good. Then our little kiss didn't throw you off at all.
Gillian: No, not at all.
Jake: Yeah.
Gillian: No.
Jake: And that wasn't the reason why you tried to slip by here without me noticing.
Gillian: No. I told you, I just didn't want to break your concentration, that's all.
Jake: Oh, good, good. Then everything's cool, right?
Gillian: Everything's cooler than cool. Except --
Jake: Except the elephant in the room.
Gillian: There's an elephant in the room? I love elephants. I collect them, silver, wood --
Jake: Gillian, no. It's a saying meaning "let's not avoid the thing that nobody wants to talk about."
Gillian: Oh. Well, then why call it an elephant? Why not call it a zebra? They have those stripes. Or a peacock with the feathers, or a hippopotamus?
Jake: Ok, forget the metaphor. Let's get back to the kiss.
Gillian: Jake, I'm not comfortable with this.
Jake: Why? With the -- wait a minute. Then -- I'm sorry. Did it upset you?
Gillian: No, just because, you know, in Hungary, what happens between a man and a woman, you just don't talk about it. It's just not done.
Jake: Well, I hate to break it to you, but here in the good old U.S. Of A., We talk about things. Sometimes we talk too much about things, but we think it's healthy to get everything out in the open.
Gillian: Oh, and you talk about these things outside?
Jake: We talk about these things directly, honestly.
Gillian: Oh. I would like to try that. Except that this person that I would like to talk to, you know, this very good friend person is the person who kissed me, so how can that work?
Jake: Now, that works because the best person to talk to is that very best friend person. And that's me. Right?

[Music plays]

Singer: Love is lovelier……

Tad: I can do this. I just think nice hot beach, waves moving slowly to and fro. Think -- think Dixie, think honeymoon. Oh. Huh. Think couch potato. Easy does it.

Singer: With both feet on the ground

Dixie: Oh.
Tad: Morning.
Dixie: Good morning. [German accent] hello.
Tad: [German accent] hello.
Dixie: Mien little, bitty stranger. You want to have some fun, yeah?
Tad: No, danke. I've got all the fun I can handle with mien neue wifen.
Dixie: Oh, really?
Tad: Oh, ja. She's the most beautiful, most scrumptious liebchen in the world, ja.
Dixie: Oh.
Tad: Unfortunately, she seems to have a thing for brushing her teeth.
Dixie: Oh, no.
Tad: Ja.
Dixie: Well, you know, dental hygiene is very important.
Tad: Hmm.
Dixie: Yes. Ah, look, how nice.
Tad: [Normal voice] well, I'm always thinking.
Dixie: [Normal voice] yes. And what are you thinking about, I wonder.
Tad: Probably the same thing you are.
Dixie: Oh, really?
Tad: Yeah.
Dixie: I doubt it. How you feeling?
Tad: Never better.
Dixie: Oh, good. Really? Prove it.
Tad: Squeeze me?
Dixie: No, you know, walk a couple steps.
Tad: You're testing me?
Dixie: Well, after that little show last night, I
mean, can you blame me? Tad: Show? Excuse me, the show? That was, you know -- that was a great show.
Dixie: It was a great show, but you were in a lot of pain, remember?
Tad: Well, you know, sometimes, they say, pain enhances pleasure.
Dixie: Oh, not in my book, it doesn't. By the way, the pain that you're feeling -- is it just muscle?
Tad: Yeah. As far as I know, it's just some strained muscles and ligaments. Why? A nice hot mud bath would probably make me feel great. Why do you ask?
Dixie: Oh, just curious.
Tad: I could probably dig up a nice, hot, steaming, murky mud bath for the two of us. What do you --
Dixie: Oh, no, that's not -- no, that's ok.
Tad: Something I said?
Dixie: No, no. Let's just -- let's just cuddle, ok?
Tad: Honey, are you -- are you sure you're all right? I mean, you -- you look as white as a sheet.
Dixie: Oh, no, white is good. White is healthy.
Tad: Not that white.
Dixie: No, I'm just tired. I'm tired.
Tad: Liebchen?
Dixie: You want to lose that hand?
Tad: Ooh, delicious.
Dixie: No, I'm serious, Tad. Honey, I'm sorry. I think I've been poisoned.
Tad: Poisoned? Baby, what do you mean, poisoned? What are the symptoms?
Dixie: Isn't the room spinning?
Tad: You dizzy?
Dixie: Oh, God. Who wouldn't be with the room turning around and around? Oh, you don't feel it? The stomach churning --
Tad: No, no. I'm sorry to say I feel perfectly fine.
Dixie: Oh, no. Must have been that Chinese food. I can't believe -- you don't feel it?
Tad: No. Probably because I had the kung pao chicken and you were scarfing down that moo shu pork. Or maybe you just respond badly to MSG
Dixie: Oh, stop. No, they said there wasn't any MSG

[Knock on door]

Tad: Yeah, right. And that's probably the Easter bunny. Hang on! Yeah, I'm coming.
Dixie: Oh.
Tad: Morning.
Waiter: Good morning. There we go. Trouble there. Room service here with your breakfast in bed. Weave fresh fruit, clotted cream, sausage, scrambled eggs. If there's anything that's not to your liking, just let us know, and we'll be sure to have it sent to you.

[Dixie runs to the bathroom]

Tad: Take it back.
Waiter: Excuse me?
Tad: Trust me, pal -- take the food downstairs and bring up some bicarbonate of soda for Mrs. Martin and some Epsom salts for me.
Waiter: Certainly.
Tad: Hang on. Bring it back…

[Tad grabs the pot of coffee]

Tad: There you go. Thank you.

Gillian: This is such a novel experience, having a man as a friend. I've never had that before.
Jake: Not even with Ryan?
Gillian: No, not at first. You know, he was just like every other man I've known, just wanting -- you know.
Jake: Ah, that.
Gillian: I've never known the other. You know, the friend part. I mean, the -- just the intricacies of seduction is a very, very difficult process.
Jake: How would you describe it? Leaving out the technical details.
Gillian: It's a highly refined series of movements so ingrained in your brain, you don't even have to think about it.
Jake: And the end result being what?
Gillian: A man realizing that he can't live without the woman.
Jake: That's -- that's pretty potent stuff.
Gillian: But, as you've shown me, not always a requirement for a relationship to work, and Ryan and I did end up as friends.
Jake: Well, I, for one, am very happy that you and I are friends. You know that.
Gillian: So am I. And now that it's just so, I would hate to endanger it.
Jake: We won't. Don't worry about that. We're rock solid.
Gillian: But then?
Jake: "Then" what?
Gillian: Well, in Hungary and all those other continents, when a man kissed me like you kissed me last night, the man would show up in the middle of the night at my bedroom door, and you didn't. Why?

Adam: I met Mrs. Lavery a few times socially, and she's a friend of Hayley's. As we know, Hayley suffers no fools.
Scott: Still, that's an odd combo -- Gillian and Hayley.
Adam: Yes, I think the friendship blossomed while the Laverys were at Wildwind. Mateo and Hayley were there, too.
Scott: I see I have a lot to catch up on.
Adam: Yes. And the way Gillian handled that farce of a rape investigation. She is, if nothing else, loyal. And she obviously needs a job.
Scott: Why do you say that? Adam: She's staying at Myrtle Fargate's boarding house, for God's sake. It's hardly a setting for a Princess. Didn't -- didn't the Andrassy family, at least her part of it, lose all their money?
Scott: Ah, but she found some.
Adam: Found some? Found what? Money?
Scott: $100,000 Worth. I don't think I should say more about that.
Adam: Oh, come on, Scott. Don't -- don't start a story like that and then stop in the middle. How would Gillian find $100,000?
Marian: Oh, I gave it to her, darling.
Adam: You gave it? That's hardly your style, Marian. Where in the world would you get $100,000?
Marian: Well, if you want to know, I found it.
Adam: You found it.
Marian: Yes, and you're right about it not being my style to give money away, Adam, but, after all, it wasn't mine.
Adam: Whose was it?
Marian: It was a friend of Gillian's.
Adam: A friend. A friend. Hayward. Gillian and David Hayward.

Tad: Here you go, liebchen. Down the hatch.
Dixie: I hate this stuff.
Tad: Yeah, well, it's either drink it or fly back to Pine Valley with an air sickness bag between your knees.
Dixie: Nice. That's charming.
Tad: Look at this. I just read it. "Mayor rushed to hospital. His honor the mayor, who was taken rather spectacularly ill at the opera last night, attributed the sudden onset of his illness to having dined on moo shu pork from a midtown Chinese restaurant, said restaurant having since been closed down by the health department."
Dixie: Just my luck.
Tad: Well, at least we know our takeout came from a trendy spot.
Dixie: It's better if it came from a healthy spot. Oh! Just throw me out the window, put me out of my misery.
Tad: Honey, I hate to tell you, the way my back feels right now, I couldn't drag you to the window.
Dixie: Ha-ha.

[Telephone rings]

Tad: I'll get it.
Dixie: Thank you.
Tad: Hello. No, she's right here. Who's calling?
Dixie: Oh, no.
Tad: Ok. Hang on.
Dixie: What?
Tad: Somebody named Becca for you.
Dixie: Becca?
Tad: Yeah.
Dixie: Gimme. She wouldn't call unless it was an emergency.

Marian: Well, I have absolutely no idea who gave Gillian the $100,000.
Adam: Where did you find the money?
Marian: Well, I reeled it in. Stuart was teaching me how to fish in Pine Valley Lake.
Scott: Good catch.
Adam: You reeled in a fish stuffed with money?
Marian: No, darling, I reeled in this kind of chartreusey-looking little pouch. Obviously it was waterproof because when we opened it up, it was stuffed with all that money.
Adam: Why didn't you keep it?
Marian: Well, because it wasn't ours.
Adam: Come on. That doesn't sound like the Marian Colby I know.
Marian: Well, the Marian Colby you knew is gone. I am Mrs. Stuart chandler, and Mrs. Stuart chandler does the right thing.
Adam: Because Stuart wouldn't let you do otherwise.
Marian: Stuart and I thought it would be best to place an ad in the paper to try and find the rightful owner. So we described the pouch slightly. You know, not fully in detail. And Gillian answered the ad, described what was inside of it, and, voila, we gave her the money.
Adam: This friend -- he gave her the money because?
Marian: Because she and Ryan -- they were on the run.
Adam: Who could spare that kind of money?
Scott: You.
Marian: Your daughter could.
Adam: No, no. Hayley wanted to help Gillian, but that idiot Montgomery put her in jail. You're sure Gillian didn't say anything about who gave it to her?
Marian: Well, darling, I didn't think it was my place to ask her about it.
Adam: Yes. Oh, good grief, I'm late for a meeting. I'm sorry. You don't mind finishing breakfast alone, do you?
Scott: Whatever works for you.
Adam: Excuse me.
Marian: Bye, Adam. Off to make another $100 billion, I suppose. Well, are you ready to meet the sweetest, most adorable baby in the entire world?
Scott: I wonder if I should call Gillian.
Marian: Oh, darling, she'll be all right. I mean, Gillian is a damsel who can fight off any dragon, I promise you.
Scott: I suppose so. Let's go see my new cousin, eh?
Marian: Come on. You're going to adore her. She is so cute, and she looks just like me.

[Scott laughs]

Marian: I knew that would make you laugh.

Jake: Gillian, the fact that I didn't come by your bedroom door last night wasn't because I don't find you desirable or attractive. Au contraire.
Gillian: I'm confused.
Jake: Don't be. I -- I just -- I don't rush into physical relationships. I'm not saying that I never did before, but when I did, more often than not, it was a mistake, so --
Gillian: So you'd like to savor the possibilities.
Jake: Yeah. Well, that and I respect your pre-existing situation. You're in love with Ryan still.
Gillian: Before Ryan, a kiss was a delightful experience, nothing more.
Jake: Well, whatever our kiss was, I thought it was very nice. And like I said, I hope that it made you think of something else for a change, besides your current situation.
Gillian: I'm still confused.
Jake: But you're not pressured. You don't feel pressured or obligated?
Gillian: No, no. No, I feel --
Jake: You feel that it was wrong for me to kiss you?
Gillian: No, I'm glad you kissed me. I liked it.

Scott: Colby is the sweetest little baby I've ever seen.
Marian: Oh, Stuart and I can't get enough of her, but we have to be sensible. I mean, Liza's going to bar the door to us if we keep coming over here. Stuart absolutely dotes on her.
Scott: Well, Colby's very lucky to have you two.
Marian: And we're lucky to have her. She's so sweet and innocent and, you know, I wish everybody were like that. It still kills me to think of what that witch Vanessa Bennett said about Stuart last night.
Scott: Well, I'm sure she'll get what she deserves one of these days.
Marian: Yes, well, I hope the day is soon, and I hope it includes her losing her teeth, going bald, and getting an incurable skin disease.
Scott: The skin disease might not be bad.
Marian: Scott Chandler, you do have hidden promise.
Scott: I know what it's like to want to get even.
Marian: You? Good, sweet-hearted Scott?
Scott: Well, it's hard to be sweet and good-hearted when the whole world is crumbling around your head.
Marian: Oh, you mean when your mother died?
Scott: Yeah. You know, she was the only good thing I'd ever had in my life -- until Dad adopted me. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't come into our lives.
Marian: Yes, well, things were very bleak for me, as well. But, of course, not in the same way.
Scott: I don't remember my birth father too well. Except that he got hooked on drugs, gave Mom aids, and then deserted us.
Marian: Well, you know, Scott, people do very ugly things sometimes, but I'm sure before the drugs got him that your father really loved you.
Scott: I'll never know. But dad's just pure gold, isn't he? He couldn't even conceive of doing things like that. He just gets better and better.
Marian: Yes, he sure does, doesn't he?
Scott: But that -- that didn't stop me from being a real jerk about him when I was in school. Kids would say nasty things about him or make fun of him.
Marian: Yes, but that doesn't make you a jerk.
Scott: No. But wishing he would change -- that does. Can you believe I used to want him to be more like uncle Adam?
Marian: Oh, dear God, no.
Scott: Exactly. But then I got older and I realized that I'm real lucky to have dad the way he is.
Marian: We both are Scott, believe me. We both are.

Stuart: Now, what you have to do is decide what you want to draw and imagine it on the paper. That way, you'll know how much space you have.
Petey: I want to draw a fish.
Stuart: A fish. Very good. Where? In an ocean? A lake? A river?
Petey: In the sky.
Stuart: In the sky. That's great. Ok. We'll do the fish. Let's see. We'll put him -- ok, where do you see -- where do you look first?
Petey: There.
Stuart: There. Right there, ok. You put the fish right there. Now, what you do is when you hold the crayon, you hold it like that. Might feel a little strange at first. And then like it's a piece of your arm, you move your whole arm when you draw. Ok? Very good.
Palmer: Well, Peter. Hey. You look like a real artist. Hey, come over here. Come on.
Petey: Daddy, I didn't know you were coming.
Stuart: I didn't, either.
Palmer: Well, I just wanted to see how my boy was doing with his art lessons. Certainly glad he's working with you. Got talent, hasn't he?
Stuart: Oh, I'm sure he does.
Palmer: Yeah. Well, I just wanted to make sure that his creativity was being developed as it should be.
Stuart: Petey, why don't you go draw your fish. I want to talk to your daddy for just a minute. Palmer, why are you really here?
Palmer: Well, I did want to talk to you about Peter, but that's not why I'm here.
Stuart: I know. Why are you here?
Palmer: Well, to take my son out and spend the day with me.
Stuart: Opal didn't say anything about that.
Palmer: Of course she didn't. She's been so distracted with this fool notion of hers that, you know, to resurrect the Glamorama, she just forgot about the schedule. I assure you it is my day with Peter, and we'll arrange a lesson for another day.
Stuart: No -- no. No, you won't.

Belinda: I am so glad we decided to do this. I really needed a break. I get so tired of depositions, briefs, client consults.
Adrian: And then there's me.
Belinda: And then there's you. You know, you were really the protector of Opal this morning.
Adrian: Well, you know, Palmer being the rat man and all, he's a dirty, sneaky, no-good man. And if he tries to ruin or wreck this Glamorama train, I swear to you, I will settle his hash personally.
Belinda: You know, Adrian, that's exactly what I mean. You are looking out for her so much, I think you're starting to sound like her.
Adrian: Oh, come on. Opal needs a break, don't you think?
Belinda: Yeah, she does. And I think this spa plan is just going to be the ticket for her.
Adrian: I think so, too. It'll get her mind off the rat man and get her back interested in things that she's always loved doing. Hey, did I tell you I got a letter from my mom?
Belinda: No. What'd she say?
Adrian: Well, actually, I haven't had a chance to read it yet. Let's take a look and have a little wine.
Belinda: Oh. Well, thank you.
Adrian: Ok.

"Dear son, I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see you so settled in pine valley. What a lovely little town and so many nice people. I enjoyed that wedding and meeting all your new friends. But I most especially appreciated being able to meet opal after all these years. And I know this situation hasn't been easy on you, but one day I'm sure you'll come to know just how lucky you really are. By the way, I visited with your sister and the baby yesterday, and they send their love. Then for --" blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah --

Belinda: Adrian?
Adrian: Hmm?
Belinda: What aren't you reading me?
Adrian: Oh, just baby talk. You know moms.
Belinda: Baby talk, huh?
Adrian: Yeah.
Belinda: Uh-uh. I don't think so.
Adrian: You think you know what's in this letter?
Belinda: I think I know exactly what's in that letter.
Adrian: Ok. Give it a shot.
Belinda: Ok. Your mom is totally in love with her new grandbaby, and she's pleased that your sister is happily married. But she just can't help but think, wouldn't it be wonderful if you could find the right person and settle down and have your own family.
Adrian: You know, that is one special talent you got there, lady.

Dixie: Oh, well, I'm so glad that everything went well. Yeah, well, I'll see you soon, ok? Ok. Drive safe. Ok. Bye.
Tad: So, who is Becca, and what did she want?
Dixie: Rebecca Tyree is a dear, sweet friend of mine from Pigeon Hollow, and she was just calling to check in.
Tad: On your honeymoon?
Dixie: No. She is driving some of my stuff from Pigeon Hollow up here, and so she said that -- I forgot I asked her to check in when she hit the road. So that's what she was doing.
Tad: Well, she sounds trustworthy.
Dixie: Yes. As the day is long.
Tad: As the day is long. She must be a West Virginia native.
Dixie: Yes. Born and bred. She's very pretty, nice, lovely, wonderful girl who's got the patience of a saint. And she's -- let's see -- too old for Junior and too young for you. But she's just very charming as all get-out.
Tad: Thank you. I feel so spry. And just for your information, I don't care what kind of package she comes in because I'm already spoken for by the most beautiful woman in the world, thank you very much.
Dixie: Well, darling, who else would take you, you twisted mass of broken ligaments and torn muscles?
Tad: Oh! You should talk. You, with the wastepaper basket stuck between your knees, one foot on the floor and one foot in the bathroom. Ha-ha!
Dixie: We are made for each other, darling.
Tad: Absolutely. Quasimodo and the barf princess.
Dixie: Ooh.
Tad: However, it is living proof that champagne and romance pales in comparison to the real-life marriage department.
V Dixie: Ah, yes, this is true. Champagne and roses -- those are for wusses!
Tad: Yeah, bring on the antacid and aspirin.
Dixie: Bring on the dirty laundry. Bring on the crabgrass.
Tad: The stockings hanging over the rod.
Dixie: The smelly socks all over the floor. Oh, sweetie Loving you and taking care of each other is the most wonderful thing in the world. Coming home and making love till we're exhausted and can't think and falling asleep in each other's arms.
Tad: It's funny -- now I'm going to vomit. I'm just kidding. Come here.
Dixie: Come here, you pig.
Tad: Give your crippled husband a big, wet one.
Dixie: Crawl in pain. Beg for mercy.
Tad: Did you brush?

Tad: You stay put. I'll do the packing.
Dixie: No argument from me.
Tad: Yeah. One more honeymoon down.
Dixie: And none to go. This is the last one, ok?
Tad: Well, speak for yourself there, liebchen. I intend to be on honeymoon for the rest of my life with you. Dixie: Oh.
We will, sweet pie, love sticks, sugar, mush, mush. And minus nasty Chinese restaurants that shall remain nameless.
Tad: Speaking of which, look what I found. Fortune cookie.
Dixie: Oh. Talk about omens. Open it.
Tad: Hmm. Let's see here. And the winner goes to --

Dixie: Let me see.
"Your greatest hope is your greatest fear."
Ridiculous. So much for ancient Chinese wisdom.

Adrian: So tell me, how did you do that?
Belinda: Do what?
Adrian: You know -- tell me what was in this letter. I mean, you knew exactly what was in this letter.
Belinda: Aunt grace. Now, I know you haven't met her yet, but you will. But believe me, Aunt Grace never -- I mean, never -- misses an opportunity to remind me that my clock is ticking and that marriage is the preferred state of happiness and that it's my solemn responsibility to produce as many beautiful children for the world as I possibly can.
Adrian: Oh, she sounds like my mom.
Belinda: Yeah, I think they must be reading out of the same book.
Adrian: So tell me, how come you're not on that campaign trail?
Belinda: The campaign to do what?
Adrian: Well, for me to move in, for us to, I guess, you know, make some kind --
Belinda: No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait. Don't even say it.
Adrian: What, are you kidding?
Belinda: No. Adrian, I'm serious. Listen, if you want to change the nature of this relationship -- you know, if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. But I'm very happy with the way things are right now. Like they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Adrian: You know, you are one damn fine woman.
Belinda: And besides, if I were really out to trap you, wouldn't I be a fool for letting you know when I'd done it?

Marian: Well, if we see what a treasure Stuart is, why doesn't the rest of the world?
Scott: Well, there are a lot of mean-spirited people out there who like being closed-minded and hateful. I mean, we could spend the rest of our lives trying to show these people how special dad is, but it wouldn't even absorb into their heads. They wouldn't get it, anyway. It's not worth our time.
Marian: Well, it would be a lot more pleasant if they did.
Scott: For who? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with the likes of Vanessa Bennett?
Marian: Oh, please. She peels the enamel right off of my teeth.
Scott: What's important is that you and I know how special dad is and the special things that he can do.
Marian: Like painting with words as well as on the canvas.
Scott: And that sixth sense he has. His ability to look into people's hearts and see right into their souls.
Marian: Yes, he does have that knack, too, doesn't he?
Scott: Generous, kind, and innocent. But he's no fool. I mean, he knows what the score is. We don't have to defend him to anyone.

Stuart: You're not going to pull any fast ones on me, Palmer Cortlandt.
Palmer: Fast ones?
Stuart: I know not to let you take Petey out of here without Opal's permission.
Palmer: If Opal had her wits about her, I could have picked the boy up at the house. She forgot.
Stuart: Fine. It'll be easy -- just call her on the phone, and if she says you can take Petey, then you can take Petey.
Palmer: Peter is my son. I can take him whenever I want to.
Stuart: No, you can't. The court gave Opal custody of your son.
Palmer: Opal and I have an arrangement.
Stuart: Palmer, I -- I don't believe you. And I think you just -- just better -- just say good-bye to Petey and go. Petey, your daddy has to go now.
Palmer: Hi, son. Well, I certainly am glad that you're drawing with Stuart.
Petey: Me, too.
Palmer: Yeah. I have to go to the office now. You be a good boy, you hear?
Petey: Ok, daddy. Bye.
Palmer: Bye. Go on, now.
Palmer: Don't push your luck, Stuart. Twice is dangerous. Three times could be deadly

Jake: So you liked the kiss, huh?
Gillian: Yes, it was very nice. But I still love Ryan, and I don't want you to get the idea that I don't.
Jake: That's cool. That's fine.
Gillian: And I might never be able to get over him.
Jake: I understand that. We're just friends. There's no pressure.
Gillian: Good. I like having you as a friend.
Jake: I like having you as a friend. If something else comes out of it, it won't be because either one of us pushed for anything else. It'll be nice and easy. Sound good?
Gillian: Sounds good.
Jake: And you know what sounds better is another plate full of muffins. Yeah?
Gillian: I'll just watch you.
Jake: All right.

[Doorbell rings]

Adam: Oh, good morning.
Gillian: Hi, Mr. Chandler.
Adam: I hope I didn't come at a bad time. I was just talking to Scott about you, and I had an idea that I'd like to discuss with you. Could I come in?
Gillian: Yeah, sure. Come in.
Adam: Thank you. I don't think I've ever told you how much I admire the loyalty you showed your husband in this recent unpleasantness.
Gillian: Thank you. I only did what was right.
Adam: Modest and intelligent and very charming. That's a powerful combination. It could be very valuable in the field of business.
Gillian: Oh, I have no sense of business, Mr. Chandler.
Adam: Well, I could teach you everything you need to know. Which brings me to the point of my visit. I want to make you an offer.
Gillian: What kind of an offer?
Adam: The opportunity to regain the position that you, as a Princess, deserve to be experiencing.
Gillian: And what would I need to do?
Adam: You need to give me something that will help me. And I will give you something that will definitely help you.
Jake: She doesn't need any help from you. She doesn't need anything from you.
Adam: I believe I was talking to Mrs. Lavery.
Jake: Well, I believe you're talking to me right now. You better tell me what the hell you're doing here. Right now.