Marian: Hi.
Stuart: Hi. I wish you could have spent more time at Tad and Dixie's reception.
Marian: Oh, darling, I spent most of the time in the limo with Colby and Liza and the nurse.
Scott: Tad and Dixie were completely blissed.
Marian: Well, you know, e third time around, they say, is the time that works. Oh, anyway, by any chance did you catch the garter, Scott?
Scott: No, no. Tad didn't lob one. But if he had, I would have ducked.
Marian: Oh, yeah, you're too young to get married.
Scott: Yes.
Marian: Unless, of course, someone very special comes along. And perhaps maybe she already has.
Stuart: What's that?
Marian: It's a letter for Scott, and it's drenched in lilac.
Stuart: Ooh, ooh. Scott, are you holding out on us?
Scott: Julie. Julie's a friend from UCLA. A big accent on the "friend." We met at a film seminar, the Italian neo-realists.
Marian: Oh some of those Italian films are quite earthy, as I recall.
Stuart: Yeah, when are you going to show us the movie you made for your senior thesis?
Marian: Yes, right. I'll make some popcorn, and we'll have a world premiere, just like Grauman's Chinese.
Scott: Well, don't -- don't expect a Hollywood blockbuster. I made a documentary about the insects that devour the grapevines in California's wine country.
Stuart: Oh. Boy, I just love films about bugs.
Marian: Yes, Stuart and I are true nature lovers.
Scott: Well, you mind holding that preview another night? I really want to get out there with my camera.
Stuart: Don't you want to have dinner first?
Scott: No. I stuffed myself at that buffet. I'm going to go get changed. Scusa me.
Marian: Oh, ciao!
Stuart: What did he say?
Marian: Excuse -- scusa me.
Stuart: Well, you forgot to let --
Marian: Oh, well, that girl must be totally forgettable. Oh! Ugh. But I think we found a new way to kill all those bugs in the Napa valley. It's awful.

Ryan: I'm just going to go around to the car and deal with it.
Trevor: All right.
Jake: Hey.
Ryan: Hey. I'm going to split.
Jake: Thanks for routing all the guests from Lake Martin over to the Valley Inn. I really appreciate it.
Ryan: Oh, no problem, no problem. You folks put on a great wedding.
Jake: Yeah.
Gillian: Tad and Dixie -- together forever.
Ryan: Yeah. They certainly earned their happiness.
Gillian: So have you.
Ryan: Look, Gillian, I really didn't want to get --
Gillian: Ryan, just forget I said anything.
Ryan: Ok. Good night, Jake. Gillian.
Gillian: Good night.

Jake: Can I ask you a question?
Gillian: What?
Jake: Why aren't you two together?
Gillian: I was a terrible wife.
Jake: I don't believe that.
Gillian: No. It's true. You know, I was just watching Tad and Dixie at their wedding.
Jake: Gillian, Tad and Dixie have had a long time to make things work.
Gillian: Dixie's vows came from deep inside her heart. And, you know, it made me realize that for most of our marriage, I didn't know how to love my husband and I didn't know how to let him love me. And when he couldn't say the words "I love you," I went to somebody else who could. Of course, it was all a lie, but I made myself believe that. Now do you understand?

Janet: Everybody's gone? I didn't even get a chance to wish the bride and groom my best.
Trevor: Don't worry. I said good-bye for you. How did things go at Enchantment?
Janet: Terrible. Val was right. Vanessa Bennett's bringing in her own numbers cruncher to make it look like I'm bilking Erica out of money or something.
Trevor: How long does this Vanessa broad have to live?
Janet: I'm going right back to Enchantment and straighten her out.
Trevor: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Janet: You going to go home?
Trevor: No. I got to me a client at the bar.
Janet: Well, how about if I have my little chat with Vanessa and I swing back around to pick you up?
Trevor: I would love to be picked up. It sounds like a plan. Don't take any snakes off of medusa now.
Janet: Don't worry. It's a sneak attack. She won't know what hit her. Trevor: All right.

[Telephone rings]

Vanessa: Vanessa Bennett here. Mr. Steele. Oh, thank you for getting back to me so promptly. All right. Donald. And you must call me Vanessa. Well, absolutely, if we're going to be co-conspirators. Did I? I meant collaborators. Look, first of all, I must tell you how I absolutely adored your last tell-all, you know. I understand the princess showed up at the book signing with a cactus and a jar of petroleum jelly. Oh, of course, what a pain. I can imagine. Now, look, I have just slews of research material, including Erica's personal correspondence, a diary she wrote while she was in detox at Betty Ford clinic. Yes. Well, well, one might call it an embarrassment of riches, of course. Now, listen, could you drop by enchantment this evening? Oh, not to worry, no, no. Erica hardly makes an appearance here these days. As a matter of fact, I happen to know she is sequestered at home behind locked doors with a guest. All I can say at the moment is that it seems to involve some sort of bondage. See you.

Erica: If I free your hands, you'll be out of here like a shot.
David: My medical bag is right there. Let me bathe your face and redress your wounds.
Erica: Then what?
David: You can refasten my restraints.
Erica: Just like that?
David: You asked me to care for you, Erica. It's my responsibility.
Erica: So earnest, so noble.
David: Dr. Fascinella's instructions were very clear. Your face needs to be treated on regular intervals to effectively prepare you for reconstructive surgery. If I don't follow his orders, your face might not make a full recovery.
Erica: Such big, brown eyes, Dr. Hayward. So sad and soulful.
David: The better to see you with. Your face is my fault. Your hope is my hands.

Marian: It's fabulous.
Stuart: Oh, good, good. Scott? Scott and I, you know, we used to stay up and watch the late, late, late, late movie on TV. Well, sometimes we'd stay up so late we'd watch the early movie.
Marian: And now he wants to make movies of his own.
Stuart: Mm-hmm.
Marian: Darling, why don't we throw a welcome-home party for Scott? We could rent out Pine Valley Cinema, you know, and cater the whole thing with movie munchies like nachos and popcorn and hot dogs, and then we can have a sneak preview of his film and have limos to escort all the guests, and then we could dance up on the stage later on, you know, hire a little band. And -- oh -- with all of this comes along with a hefty price tag, doesn't it? Do you know that we would have been $100,000 richer if Gillian hadn't claimed that money. Damn it!
Stuart: We don't need any more money. We have plenty of money.
Marian: Well, what would you call plenty, darling? In round figures.
Stuart: I don't know. Adam pays all the bills.
Marian: Oh.
Stuart, don't you think it's time that you took charge of your own finances?
Stuart: What for?
Marian: Well, security, darling. You know, peace of mind. Stuart: I -- Adam takes really good care of me. He even made a trust fund for Scott.
Marian: Oh. Well, now that Scott's future is secure, I think we should secure his romantic future as well.
Stuart: Now, why would we want to do that?
Marian: Because everyone should be as blissfully happy as we are. That's why. And Scott is such a great catch, we wouldn't want him to fall into the wrong net, now, would we?
Stuart: Uh-uh.
Marian: No, we wouldn't. I love you, too.

Leslie: Excuse me. Do you work here? Ryan: No. No. I don't, but I'm friendly with the equipment.
Leslie: Well, most of it, anyway.
Ryan: Oh.
Leslie: How would you feel about coaching a beginner?
Ryan: I got to say, you're in pretty good shape for a beginner.
Leslie: Good genetics.
Ryan: Yeah, well, I guess even nature needs a bit of work, right? Ok, sure. My workouts, I start with my major muscle groups, my legs, then work to my upper body, and then I finish with abs and obliques.
Leslie: I'm afraid I don't know the difference between a tricep and a triceratops.
Ryan: Ok. Well, we'll start with a basic squat, how about that?
Leslie: Ok.
Ryan: I'll help you out. Ok, it's basically like a sitting motion. Put that on your neck and hold it out. Sitting motion, keep your back straight, stick your butt out a little bit, and your chin up. Ok, we'll go for a few reps. Here we go. One -- that was good. Good. Two.
Leslie: And where am I supposed to feel this?
Ryan: Legs, butt, abs. Four. That's good.
Leslie: So, how often do you come here?
Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, no talking. Concentrate on form here. Five. Six. Seven. That looks good. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just a sec, just a sec. Hold on.

Gillian: Ryan walked in on us.
Jake: Oh. That must have been rough.
Gillian: It was horrible. And then something amazing happened. It took Ryan a long time to forgive me, but we were so happy.
Jake: Then what happened?
Gillian: He got arrested, and I was just terrified that they would beat him and torture him. You know, where I come from, Jake, going to jail is the same as the death penalty. And I had no money to bail him out of jail, and Grandmama was broke, Dimitri was out of town. So, I went to the man, you know, the other man, and I asked him to lend us the money. But he -- he wouldn't unless --
Jake: Yeah.
Gillian: I gave him something. Jake: He wanted you to sleep with him.
Gillian: Just the thought of him touching me made me sick. and I begged him to just -- to just give me the money and let me go, and I told him but he wouldn't give in, so -- so finally, I did. I -- I gave him what he wanted.
Jake: What a bastard.
Gillian: I'll feel the shame as long as I live.
Jake it was David Hayward, wasn't it?

Scott: It's a montage. Cinema verity. Men and women struggle with reality and each other as the 20th century takes its last gasp.
Leslie: What are you, some kind of a sleaze who gets off on filming rippling flesh?
Ryan: Just think of him as a Roberto Benigni with better hair.
Leslie: Oh, you know each other.
Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a little bit nuts, but believe me, he's harmless.
Scott: Ryan took a thorn out of my paw once.
Leslie: You know, you could get in trouble filming people without their knowledge or consent.
Scott: Well, it's an occupational hazard. I want to showcase reality unplugged, unrehearsed, and I do have a consent form here, if you don't mind signing it.
Leslie: Well, who drew this up for you?
Scott: No one. A prelaw buddy of mine lent me some software. Why?
Leslie: Well, there is some wiggle room here in case I decide to make trouble for you later.
Scott: You wouldn't do that.
Leslie: Well, you never know.
Scott: Guess I need a lawyer, huh?
Ryan: I think you just found one.
Leslie: At your service.
Scott: You are?
Leslie: Leslie Coulson. I'm based here in Pine Valley. My practice is rather eclectic, corporate law, mostly, but I do have a short list of clients who require special handling. Phoebe Wallingford, Juanita Ramsey, Dr. David Hayward --
Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. You work for David Hayward?

Vanessa: "Day two -- Betty Ford. Work detail was assigned after breakfast. I'm expected to make my own bed, clean my own room, including the bathroom. It's a regular house of horrors. And the people. Who is it said money can't buy taste?"
Oh, my.
Let's just say the addiction is the least part of their problems."
Oh!
"I have absolutely nothing in common with these people." "These people."
Erica. Why didn't this little piggy make it into your final book draft? It's certainly going to make it into mine.
Janet: I gave you 48 hours to blow this burg, or I said I'd rat you out to Erica.
Vanessa: My, my, the eloquent language one does pick up in a prison cellblock. Begone, Janet, before a house falls on you.
Janet: You seem to forget that I have the audiotape, you know, the one where Jerry Reeves names you as his Erica connection?
Vanessa: Well, people are naming names all over the place this day. Fortunately, it doesn't carry the same stigma it did in the McCarthy era.
Janet: You know, I know what you're up to. I know what you did with Jerry. Of course, you know that I know that. And you're going to go after me. But, you see, what you did was you told jerry and his crew that Erica was going to be at S.O.S. You knew she was going to be there, so you let them cash in on her misery. And now you're coming after me. You're going to audit the books to try to destroy my credibility?
Vanessa: Oh, come on. Don't look now, Janet, but your paranoia is showing. You know, actually, how often do you have to go in for a sanity check? Are you due now?

David: Thank you.
Erica: Shall we begin?
David: I just have to get the -- the circulation back in my hand.
Erica: Maybe some warm water will help.
Erica: Here, here, let me.

Ryan: How could you represent a guy like that? He's toxic waste.
Scott: Down, boy, down.
Leslie: What did David do to get on your bad side?
Ryan: What, are you kidding me? You name it, that guy has done it. He would roll over his own mother to get what he wants. He's a self-righteous, self-centered, manipulative --
Leslie: If I run into David, I'll make sure not to give him your best.
Ryan: No. If you run into David, you tell him to keep the hell away from my wife.

Gillian: How did you know I was talking about David?
Jake: A few tell-tale signs. Like when I walked in, you were aiming a gun at his -- his privates.
Gillian: You should have just let me shoot him.
Jake: I wish I could have pulled the trigger.
Gillian: You're not just saying that to make me feel better?
Jake: I've hated David Hayward a lot longer than you have.
Gillian: So, then, we're still friends?
Jake: Of course we're still friends. What did you think, I was just going to run out of the room screaming because you are this horrible person? You're not a horrible person. Yes, yes, we're still friends, good friends.
Gillian: Oh, Jake, I really thought that you were going to be so disgusted in me or -- you're so generous.
Jake: I guess I have a soft spot for Hungarian beauties. It's been all the episodes of "Green Acres" my mom watched when she was pregnant with me. I don't know.
Gillian: Oh, man, I was a fool to trust the man.
Jake: Well, the only decent thing Hayward's ever done is deliver my daughter. But after hearing this story, it pretty much cancels that out. They guy's a freaking sadist.
Gillian: Jake, you haven't heard the worst part yet. After I slept with David, I mean, he told me that he loved me, but he didn't. It was -- you know, it was all a lie. And that's ok. I mean, you know, I did it for Ryan, and I can handle that. But then what happened was -- it was unforgivable.
Jake: What?
Gillian: He went to Ryan and he told him that I had sex with him for money. And he did that on purpose to hurt Ryan, and he took pleasure in Ryan's pain. What kind of human being does that?
Jake: Now you know.
Gillian: I was such a fool to trust the man. I thought because he was a good doctor he was a good person.
Jake: Well, I'm sorry, Princess. Sometimes things don't work out that way.

Janet: Maybe you're right, Vanessa. Maybe I've slipped. There is this voice chanting inside my head saying, "Janet Dillon took an ax, gave Vanessa 40 whacks. When she saw what she had done, she clicked her heels and cried, 'what fun!'"
Vanessa: Oh, please, spare me your amateur theatrics.
Janet: Of course, I don't happen to have a crowbar with me today. But, well, that's ok. I mean, in a pinch, almost anything can be used as a weapon. Like -- like these scissors right here, perhaps, or this handy letter opener. And then of course there's death by stapler. And even if I were to be arrested, what jury would convict me? I mean, after all, on this day in the last year of our millennium, Janet green made the streets of Pine Valley safe for human beings. You'll be rotting away in your untended grave. In fact, even your own son won't mourn you. I can see your epitaph now -- "do not fold, staple, or mutilate!"
Vanessa: Oh, brava! Really. I mean, encore. You know, if the Pepper Pot Players revived "The Madwoman of Chaillot," you're a shoe-in for the part, dear.

Janet: Where's Erica? Vanessa: Well, now, I don't know. It wasn't my turn to watch her.
Janet: Well, you're her house pest. Is she home?
Vanessa: Well, why don't you ask one of those little voices in your head? Maybe she's at the nearest shopping mall again, giving an impromptu interview. Or maybe she's orbiting earth in a self-propelled feather aura. Or maybe she's holding my son prisoner in a vise, a contraption in her basement. Take your pick.
Janet: That is so sick. You're not funny.

Erica: David, what is it?
David: You. You are so beautiful. I'm sorry.

Leslie: David has a reputation as a ladies' man. When that lady is your wife, I can't blame you for reacting.
Ryan: Still, I shouldn't go pumping off like that whenever I want.
Leslie: Listen, I've known David for a long time. You're not the first guy to go postal at the mention of his name.

[Pager beeps]

Leslie: Well, so much for my workout. It was nice meeting you --
Ryan: Ryan Lavery.
Leslie: And?
Scott: Scott Chandler.
Leslie: That's a famous last name.
Scott: Well, the first gets takes billing, I hope.
Leslie: I'll remember that, Scott. Call me if you need any legal advice.
Scott: I'll do that.

Scott: Hey, Rocky. Does Gillian know you're still in her corner, man?
Ryan: What do you mean?
Scott: Well, Hayward's name really set off some bells for you. You came out swinging.
Ryan: Yeah, reflex, I guess.
Scott: You know, when a man loves a woman, really loves her, and if that passion has got nowhere to turn, it can ignite and turn lethal. You know what I'm saying? I don't want to see you crash and burn. Hayward got between you and Gillian. Are you going to let him get away with that? Look, just say the word and we'll double-team to neutralize this creep.
Ryan: Look, I really -- I wish it was that easy, man. I really do. All right? But as far as Gillian is concerned, Hayward's not the problem. I am.

Gillian: I want to keep the money that David gave me. I worked hard enough to get it, and I'm sick and tired of living off Dimitri's charity.
Jake: Ok, so what's the problem?
Gillian: Ryan. He doesn't want anything to do with this money. He says it's dirty and -- and maybe it is, you know? Maybe he's right, but I still feel that I should keep it. Am I horrible?
Jake: No.
Gillian, you're not the bad person here. Hayward's the one that made you suffer. He enjoyed degrading you, believe me.
Gillian: You're right. He doesn't need that money, and he thought he could own me by paying for me, you know, by giving me the money. But my heart never belonged to him.
Jake: If you were rolling in dough, I'd say give it to charity, but since you need it, then keep it. Treat yourself to -- I don't know -- a week at a spa, or go buy a flashy little sports car or something. But be good to yourself. It's the best revenge against Hayward.
Gillian: "Be good to yourself."
Jake: Be good to yourself.
Gillian: Jake, that's great advice.
Jake: It's not just advice. It is doctor's orders.
Gillian: Hmm. Thank you, Jake. You're very good for me. Thank you.

Vanessa: Well, I don't have time to stay here and trade inane insults with you, dear.
Janet: You don't know Erica very well. You may think she's devastated, but she'll be back on her feet in no time, out there in the spotlight, and there's nothing you can do to stop her.
Vanessa: "Stop her"? I'm going to be right there with her every single step of the way.
Man: Good evening, ladies. Which one of you is Vanessa Bennett?
Vanessa: I'm Vanessa Bennett. Oh, I'll be with you in a moment as soon as I show Mrs. Dillon out.
Thank you for stopping by, dear. Janet: This isn't over. You vampire bat!
Vanessa: Oh, Mr. Steele, such a pleasure to meet you.
Mr. Steele: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Vanessa: Oh, that. Well, we are going to have to keep our meeting secret because that was one of Erica's friends, and should she get wind that we are writing this little book, she could stop the presses.
Mr. Steele: Oh.
Vanessa: With a crowbar, possibly.

Erica: Please don't try to flatter me.
David: Look into my eyes, Erica. You know when a man is lying to you and when he's telling the truth.
Erica: But my face is --
David: Is beautiful. Your face is beautiful. Your eyes are beautiful. Your body, beautiful. You're a beautiful woman, Erica. Add to that your spirit and your courage -- exquisite.

Marian: Oh, oh, I was wondering what kind of girl Scott likes -- I mean, you know, what attracts him. Darling, was he dating anybody before he went off to college?
Stuart: There was little Kelsey Jefferson. He really liked her, but, well, it didn't really go anywhere. You're not thinking about trying to be a matchmaker, are you?
Marian: Well, some men need a little push in the romantic direction, don't you think?
Stuart: No, Scott doesn't. Scott knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it.
Marian: Oh, he does, does he?
Stuart: Yeah.
Marian: Like father, like son, huh? Come here. I adore you.

Scott: Hey, hey, Ryan. Give it a rest, man. You can't punch away your frustrations.
Ryan: I'm going to hit the shower. I got to get back to the club, but just for the record, I wasn't working out anything. I was just -- just working out.
Scott: Well, just for the record, not all relationships crash and burn. Maybe you and Gillian can be Like Tad and Dixie, you know. If the first marriage doesn't work out, try, try again.
Ryan: Ok, Scott, when I train for something, I set a goal. I know I can get there, you know? But Gillian and I -- I can't take us where I want to go, man. I just can't. It's better for Gillian if I just let her go the distance with someone who knows what the race is all about.

Jake: No?
Gillian: Yes.
Jake: Ok.
Busboy: I'm going to have to ask you folks to leave. We got to finish cleaning up.
Jake: All right. All right. You want a ride back to Myrtle's?
Gillian: No. I am too awake to go home. I feel like dancing.
Jake: Ooh, dancing. My middle name.
Gillian: Will you take me dancing at the S.O.S.?
Jake: I could never resist a distress call, but I have a date with a beautiful, gorgeous, drop-dead young thing named Colby Martin. But I would love to catch up with you later there. Are you going to be there, like, later, later?
Gillian: That's a date.
Jake: That's a date.
Gillian: That's a date.
Jake: All right, let's do it.
Janet: Good night.

Trevor: Good night. Bang, boom, the party's over.
Janet: Here. Take this. They're just going to throw them out anyway.
Trevor: Ok, ok, ok.
Janet: And I've got to get a piece of wedding cake for Amanda. I promised.
Trevor: Say, how did it go with that -- what's his name?
Janet: Donald.
Trevor: Donald, Donald.
Janet: I don't know. Something's not right. I mean, what's he doing in Erica's office at Enchantment after business hours anyway?
Trevor: Does Donald have a last name?
Janet: I didn't catch it. Vanessa shooshed him. She obviously doesn't want me to know.
Trevor: Well, it sounds like it's time for me to start working the problem, huh?
Janet: As long as we work as a team.
Trevor: Hey, I grab your flowers, I eat your cake.
Janet: We just need enough ammo to blow Vanessa out of the water. Ok?

Vanessa: You know, Donald, I think you and I are going to make one cracker-jack team. Now, you do understand we are going to split the advance and the royalties, but only my name goes on the book's cover.
Donald: This ghost is at your service. Now, you hinted on the phone that there was some juicy scandal involving la Kane.
Vanessa: Oh, yes, the dramatic denouement of Erica's sordid story now, I think I should set the scene for you.
Donald: Mm-hmm.
Vanessa: I'm in Erica's house. She's nowhere to be found. I spot her coming up from the basement stairs. Now, mind you, Erica is not one to get down and dirty underground. So naturally that raises my curiosity. So when she returns to her underground lair, I follow her, but at a careful, safe distance. Now, luckily for us, both she and her "guest" are so involved with each other that they do not sense my presence there.
Donald: Right, right. Now, this is where the S&M comes into play, right?
Vanessa: Well, you know, there, Donald, I might have misled you just a bit. But, I mean, the man in question was certainly in captivity, but he was not necessarily enjoying himself. And you know what? I immediately recognized him as my son, cardiologist to the stars. Hmm. David Hayward. Dr. David Hayward.
Donald: Your son?
Vanessa: Yes. Erica Kane has my son imprisoned in her basement, a renowned cardiologist, with his hand in some sort of strange device. I mean, does the punishment fit the crime? I guess we'll just have to let our readers decide that, right, as we skyrocket to number one with a bestseller.

Erica: Please hand me my mask.
David: Here. Let me help.